why did i even born? and why did i have him as my father? if there was a past life.. did i do so much bad god? that you punish me with a father like that? haha. i guess my pastlife self was really the worst person to recive this kind of parent in this life. 17 years of my life where my mother had horrible horrific 24 years of marriage with that monster.... Why monster's never get punishment? God did me and my mom were so undeserving of respect? of love? of care? of freedom of speech? of being ourselves? Why did my mom had to get this worst men in the world? why god? sometimes i even loss my hope that you ever see us.... forgive me God for saying that but sometimes it aches in my heart so bad that it feels like you never see us... I know i shouldnโt have said that but I'm sorry i can't but say that. Why did we deserve that person in our life? A person who only cared for his Narcissistic, Abusive, egoistic Mom and siblings. a person who would never look once if we die. never hesitate to beat us to death. A person who broke my mother's leg once... a person who ruined my mom's life.... God why didnโt you let my mom run away from that monster... she would have been happy now if she left me. I feel so bad for my mom.
Why Did i deserve a Dad who hates me? who is always in the mindset of him being a men gives him every right to do worst things to womens? A men who never feared God.
I sometimes wish so bad that my eyes go blind forever, i loss my ability of hearing, i loss my ability of speaking. I really donโt want to sucide, i just want someday for a truck or car to kill me. Everyday i pass the road i hope a car or bus would may loss control and only kill me.
