I was upset at my friend because I misunderstood somethings. so she was coming to my place tonight, and when she came I didn't look at her face. not because I didn't want to, I just couldn't. I was upset and when she came I forgot everything. I was so happy while hiding my hands with my arms and crying. but I didn't want to forgive her easily. but no, she wouldn't fall into my spells. she, after trying to get something out of me for a while, stood up and started leaving. I ofc couldn't let her leave like that. tough love. it helped. I spilled it. I don't like when people do that to me. but there was no other way she knew how to deal with my roller-coaster behavior. then we made it up. the rest of the day was good. we talked had fun. I just wanted to save it. I have a weird feeling that I won't have her around soon. I have a feeling that things slowly falling apart. and don't get me wrong. I'm the idiot here. not her. but I just don't like the way how invalid I feel. not only with her. but with everyone else I know. after all. maybe. perhaps. or probably it's really me who is messing things up, making problems out of nothing. and crying like a kid. idk. idwk. I gave her the certificate btw. she says she likes it.