it’s a rhetorical question, i know why. the gore filled videos they’d show in drivers ed of people’s heads being smashed open on concrete, people’s lives being forever changed because of one mistake that wasn’t even their own. it’s a childish fear and i need to just get over it. i can’t rely on other people forever. it’s so embarrassing to admit whenever someone asks so i just say that i don’t have a car (it’s only a half lie). the times i have driven, it’s been a half success with small mistakes that have me paralyzed and so critical of myself that i think “that could’ve killed somebody,”. but, a scared driver is a dangerous driver, so i’m better off the roads according to tiktok comments. i’m a sophomore in college, yet i feel like i haven’t aged past 15 years old, trembling as i grip the wheel of my moms 2016 SUV on the way to drivers ed. i know that the only way to get over it is to start small, literally everyone in my life has told me, but it feels like i’ll never get to that point. i’m the only thing holding back my independence and i’m constantly in a war with my own head. will it ever get better?