What should I do
I'm in so many people's dream university, but I don't wanna study
I don't wanna sleep or eat
I don't wanna be around people
I don't wanna do anything
I wish I were dead
But I can't die either
Is this some kind of disease
I have nobody to talk as well
I have no friends
My boyfriend gets stressed whenever I say that I'm in stress, he wants me to be happy all the time
I can't help the fact that I feel this way
Yesterday I told my boyfriend this and he snapped at me that I came up with a weird problem with no solution
what can I do? I'm not doing this on purpose, am I?
maybe he's got matured enough to handle me yet
I called my mother and said that I feel this way and I wanna leave my degree, I wanna die
I can't go home either
My family is so messed up, it will only make me feel worse
In fact, the main reason I have anxiety and depression is because of my family, so I can't go home
I'm in hostel now, no freedom, no peace
My mother was heartbroken I think, but she's the reason
My father scolded me more, I hang up the phone
My brother was so mean to me all these years
He didn't even talk to me for so many years
because of him I've cried myself to sleep so many days
he's hurt me physically so many times that my boyfriend wants to hit him when he sees him
but yesterday, when he got to know that I said this to my mother, he called me, made me laugh for an hour maybe, he made me feel better for a while
this makes me feel even worse
I'm in a bad situation that the person I loathe had to make me feel good
I don't even know what to do
Why is this happening to me
there's nobody I can talk to freely
I can't even cry in peace
this hostel is so full of people, 5 other people in my tiny little room
I downloaded repov so that I can vent
yeah.. that's how my life is right now
I don't know if anybody would reply
But typing all this and a tiny little hope that somebody would read and understand me, makes me feel a little bit better
