"I've had too many dreams of losing you
When we fall out and you find someone new
I'd wake up wishing dreams never come true
Sometimes they do
Sometimes they do
Sometimes they do"
Billie saved my life. Just three years ago I was the most depressed teenager you could find.His entire friend group ditched him because of gay accusations, Accusations that eventually became true,but at the time,none of that mattered. What mattered was it hurt. Having to be in the same class with people who a few months ago were your soul brothers,and now in the present, won't even look you and target you in their speeches and machinations whenever opportunity arises. It messed up my self esteem,my trust,the courage I used to relentlessly possessed. It made me afraid of taking a stand out of fear of what could happen if I said what I truly felt. I ended up bottling up my feelings about everything. Three years later now that I'm done with highschool, I'm trying to heal. Hopefully I'll meet my person, one who we can heal each other, together every step of the way. But for now, it's me and my journal records.So during that year when I found out about Billie eilish, something about her was so intimately beautiful, unique, arresting. She wasn't flashy,yet the music she made drew my soul even closer to her,it was so intricate it healed me in some way. Soon I found out more about her,her relationship with depression,self harm and suicide and soon I related to her more. Especially the Berlin incident, where she had contemplated jumping through her hotel window,but held herself back, thinking of the people who would care about her. Her being a member of the queer community made me feel more seen,how she stood up for it without a care in the world about society made me even more drawn to her. If Billie had given in to her demons back in 2018 at Berlin,I probably wouldn't be alive either
