life has been a bit strange as of late. a place of continuous contradictions, both on a personal and political, international level. what a truly horrible time to be alive in as a youth. staying informed on the current state of the world and knowing that it is corrupted and governed by bigoted, idiotic, p3d0philic pigs of men is a truly debilitating feeling. knowing that there is truly nothing that you can do on an individual level to them because of the extent of which they are protected by capitalism and classism is.. i cant even express my fury. my exhaustion. i really see no revolution pf sorts happening either. this has vompletely exhausted everyone, and thats the point. it feels absolutely disgusting living like this. i feel almost spiteful for myself for not being able to do enough. it feels impossible to try to live normally, whatever that even means nowadays, as a teenager. whenever i have periods of time when im forced to take my mind off of things happening in the world (exams, personal issues, events etc) i find that its so easy to forget; but you never truly do. it follows you in the small thinhs. amongst good times with friends, walks with my mother, my cats, films, school, gaming, there remains a shadow looming bwhind every action i take. it bleeds into my precaution. the way in which i look at the world around me with a heavier sort of cynicism than before. my inability to see a future beyond. my need for constant distractions. its suffocating. the uk elections are rolling up soon, and knowing that the leading party is actively fighting against my rights as a woman, an immigrant and student (as well as the planet we all live on) is only accentuating this: my need to escape. i have been born and raised to flee. ive always been running from one oppressive politocal, sociwtal rwgime to the next, going roung and roumd and round and round. but now, the walls are starting to cave in. i dont know where to flee. where to escape. why is it that this is what the world ended up looking like right when im supposed to become a fumctioning member of society. all i want is to be some sort of umtouched, unseen, unknown, undisturbed life form that can exist freely somewhere where no one knows about. there i'll feel the warmth of the sun on my body and the birdsong reverberating through the air in ripples, and the smooth wind as it smothers that expanse with such a gentleness no man can corrupt. this reality can still exist. it has existed befire. but until something happens to overthrow and completely alter the capitalidm poisoning our minds, our bodies, our waters, our soils, our birds, then i dont know what to tell you anymore.