I don't even know what I'm feeling anymore. Is this love? Attraction? Fear of losing someone who's not even mine? Or am I just overthinking everything because it's 2am? I don't wanna study. I don't have motivation. Sometimes I genuinely don't even understand why I'm doing this MBA when a part of me keeps thinking that eventually I'll forget everything anyway. And then there's my health. What if it gets worse? What if one day I can't work? What if all the plans I have for my career just fall apart? The thought of being unemployed and dependent on others for the rest of my life honestly scares the hell out of me. Taking medicines day after day is exhausting. Trying to stay hopeful is exhausting. Even when I finally start hoping that maybe I could love someone, have a family, build a normal life… my brain immediately reminds me that maybe I can't. Sometimes it feels like I'm watching my own future disappear while I'm still trying to live in the present. And honestly, that's fucking exhausting. I don't know what's wrong with my life right now. I don't have some deep inspirational ending to this. I'm just tired. Maybe tomorrow I'll feel differently. I really hope I do.