I honestly don't know how I feel about this book. When I first picked up I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokbokki, I thought it would be one of those books where the person goes through depression, finds themselves and eventually everything gets better. But it wasn't like that at all. The book is basically a collection of conversations between Baek Se-hee and her psychiatrist. She talks about her depression, anxiety, insecurities, relationships, body image, loneliness, and that constant feeling of “what is wrong with me?” And sometimes, I'm not gonna lie, it felt repetitive. She kept coming back to the same thoughts and patterns even after realizing they were hurting her. But maybe that's what made it feel real. Because healing isn't always this beautiful, linear journey where you suddenly become okay. Sometimes you understand exactly what's wrong with you and still can't stop feeling that way. And the ending doesn't magically fix everything either. She doesn't suddenly become happy. She doesn't have all the answers. She just keeps going. And somehow, the tteokbokki part stayed with me the most. "I want to die, but I want to eat tteokbokki." It's such a strange sentence, but it's also painfully human. You can be completely exhausted with life and still have tiny things you want. Your favourite food. A song. A conversation. A person. A random little moment that makes you think, “Maybe I'll stay a little longer.” I think that's what this book ultimately gave me, not a perfect happy ending but a reason to keep going even when you're not completely okay. Sometimes you don't need to love your whole life. Sometimes you just need something small you still want to experience tomorrow. 🥢🤍