전체 공개 ・ 04.12
2026.04.12 (Sun)
I hesitate for weeks to read this one. I knew it would tore me to pieces in the most shattering but beautiful way. There's something pretty in the ache. But, I was scared of touching a story with religious guilt after all this time. Because my heart has changed, and I don't think that love should be a sin in any form or existence. So it took me a while, to prepare myself and dive in without remorse of what could be told through this. To read again the amount of guilt one can carry when their love is seen as a curse. For starters, Hanahaki was already a bittersweet sickness. Here is ten times worse, because is a seed that makes you a sinner. In some way, Williams perception of his sickness was so beautiful that I got him completely. William couldn't ever live without his love for Est , because Est was the reason he kept living for in the first place. So it made sense, he chose to die. All they had was enough for him, and it's maybe, the first hanahaki I've seen where the protagonist don't expected to be love back. Maybe because he knew (and I knew too) Est wouldn't love him as lover. That doesn't erase the fact that Est loved William. He did, in all his actions. They just weren't meant to be in this timeline. Here they just save each other, and that's fine. I loved dearly the little details. How William accepted his love even with the fear. I think, he was braver than the story tells. And I loved Est character, I totally get why anyone could fall in love with a person this bright and kind. I would have like to know more about Est at the end, in my heart he kept Williams memories alive. I know that this william lives through his brothers, the ones that held his hand until the last flower in his chest took his breath away. I fear now, it's the time to read "almost " and act like it's their second chance to grow together
To live without the pain was to live without the person. And to William, that was the true death.
William
How could the most beautiful thing in his life be the thing that sent him to hell?
William
Before he turned to flee, William looked up at the Great Cross one last time. "You gave me the heart," William whispered, his voice a jagged rasp that tore at the fresh wounds in his throat. "Why did You give me the heart if the love was a death sentence?" He received no answer but the hollow echo of his own breath.
William
Cobalt blue rose petals. Deep, midnight blue, the exact shade of the shadows in Est’s room. And tucked between them, small and cruel, were the white-and-yellow heads of daisies. William stared at them, his breath hitching in a series of broken, shallow gasps. Daisies. Innocence. Loyal love. The very thing he had tried to convince himself he felt for Est— the brotherly affection he had prayed for was now lying on the church floor, vomited up and stained with his own blood. The universe was mocking his prayers. It was telling him that even his innocence was part of the sickness.
William
"So that's it?" Lego whispered, his voice cracking. "You’re just going to... you're going to let me watch you die? You’re going to sit at that table and eat with us every morning while your lungs turn into a graveyard?"
Lego
And if the Lord is truly listening... let the flowers grow fast. Don't let this linger. Let the blue roses and daisies kill me quickly.
William
But lying here now, I realize the truth: I wasn't ready to be a temple if it meant being empty of you.
William
We didn't make it to the city. We didn't see the sea. And God, it hurts to know I’ll never see the neon lights reflected in your eyes. But the lake... our lake... it was enough for me. Having my feet in that cold water next to yours was my version of the ocean.”
William
"I told him," Est rasped, his voice sounding like dry stones grinding together. He didn't look up at anyone. He just kept his hand over William's heart, as if he were trying to jumpstart the rhythm with his own heat. "I told him I loved him. And he smiled." Est let out a small, hollowing laugh that was more painful than Lego’s screaming. "He smiled, Nut. He said it was enough."
Est
nili