2:30 in the morning. Gigising na. Kahit 12:40 pa ang pasok, kailangan ko nang bumangon. I stare at the laptop for a few minutes. I will be watching tutorials again and practicing my math skills — just like what I've been doing since July. I still feel fatigued, but nonetheless, pushed myself to stay awake. 3:00 AM, I decided to start along with a cup of coffee. Doing algebra has been a lot easier nowadays, but oh, trigonometry is still waiting for me. What a killjoy. But as I continued to write and make mistakes, I thought to myself: "I wouldn't be doing this if I weren't so worked up about my future." To be honest, it's a future I am uncertain of, and I hate thinking about it. I focus on studying junior high school lessons for entrance exams, not even sure if I'll pass three out of the "Big Four." Pa'no naman kung hindi? Sayang lang siguro. What scares me even more is my future career, or if I will ever get one. I don't even know what to be yet, heck, kahit yung mga courses ko, unsure pa ako eh. At sa sobrang lala rin ng overthinking ko, I tried looking for other options, one of which is to study abroad. It may give me good opportunities, right? Pero it will also mean I'll have to compromise other important things. Why am I so worried ba? Bata pa lang naman ako. In fact, I'm only 17. I shouldn't really be having everything figured out yet, 'di ba? But to think of it, this is my reality na. Maybe it's because I know the future of others will depend on mine soon, kaya dapat with all my best, maibibigay ko ang kaya ko. Soon, I'll become the breadwinner. Matanda na tatay ko. Mga nag-aaral pa mga mas batang kapatid ko. Wala na rin akong ate na aasahan. Ewan ko ba, haha. Ang hirap... Ang hirap talagang isipin. I cannot expect them to prosper on their own in this economy, in this country, so maybe that's why I'm so pressed. Never mind. Mag-science na lang muna tayo. - ms. kae 10.28.26