What should I do I'm in so many people's dream university, but I don't wanna study I don't wanna sleep or eat I don't wanna be around people I don't wanna do anything I wish I were dead But I can't die either Is this some kind of disease I have nobody to talk as well I have no friends My boyfriend gets stressed whenever I say that I'm in stress, he wants me to be happy all the time I can't help the fact that I feel this way Yesterday I told my boyfriend this and he snapped at me that I came up with a weird problem with no solution what can I do? I'm not doing this on purpose, am I? maybe he's got matured enough to handle me yet I called my mother and said that I feel this way and I wanna leave my degree, I wanna die I can't go home either My family is so messed up, it will only make me feel worse In fact, the main reason I have anxiety and depression is because of my family, so I can't go home I'm in hostel now, no freedom, no peace My mother was heartbroken I think, but she's the reason My father scolded me more, I hang up the phone My brother was so mean to me all these years He didn't even talk to me for so many years because of him I've cried myself to sleep so many days he's hurt me physically so many times that my boyfriend wants to hit him when he sees him but yesterday, when he got to know that I said this to my mother, he called me, made me laugh for an hour maybe, he made me feel better for a while this makes me feel even worse I'm in a bad situation that the person I loathe had to make me feel good I don't even know what to do Why is this happening to me there's nobody I can talk to freely I can't even cry in peace this hostel is so full of people, 5 other people in my tiny little room I downloaded repov so that I can vent yeah.. that's how my life is right now I don't know if anybody would reply But typing all this and a tiny little hope that somebody would read and understand me, makes me feel a little bit better