i love just looking at people and thinking how are they real, like what do you mean that you have a whole family and i don't live in a simulation. its so fascinating. i love you all so much

I don't know how to cope with not having friends. I was telling myself that i need some time alone, to get to know the real me, and i guess i kind of found myself, not completely ofc. It just hits me everyday that people just talk with each other, and they are real life friends. And i partialy had that a few months ago, it was a toxic friendship because the friend group was hating on each other and other people that had nothing to do with them, i just don't like when someone is laughing at someone else, for example someone with a mental disability. Its just cruel, and i did laugh with them for a whole year, they were draining my social battery. And then something clicked, there was a moment like i september, when the girls were laughing at my They were laughing at the name of a guy I really liked. It's not very common, but it's not a big deal to me, it was kind of cute! They were laughing so hard that one girl TOLD HIM THAT SOMEONE IN OUR GROUP LIKED HIM. and i was done. i couldn't tell anything because my body froze in "laughter". And the next day i confronted the girl (with was at the time my "best" [toxic] friend) i thought was the one who told him. I told her that it was awful, alongside all the other things that she's done (to be clear i don't speak loudly about my feelings i just keep it to myself because i don't want people to be mad or hurt) and she just couldn't accept that someone is critisizing her. Its just such a long story and i don't know if i should write it here. Anyway, she hates me and ignores me, i see my mistake and told the actual girl who told him that it was wrong and she just said sorry and accepted it. Since then life was horribleeee!!! It all happened in september!! All my other classmates and other people who one where our mutual friends heard her side of the story with was obviously without her fault. Some people already forgotten about it or they don't care because they talk with me like once every three days. At least that! I feel so lonely at school. And no, other classes don't talk with ours so i couldn't make friends in other classes 😔 i just ruined everything!! i think i would like to be in a toxic friendship than not be in any!! I also uninstalled all my social media (but it was like in january) and i dont keep up with anyone, i don't know am i isolating myself when im just trying to find friends?? I can't study anymore, i don't have the motivation, no one cares about anything in my life besides my family. i recently installed instagram back and it was a mistake!! Every 1-2 months i come back literally for a day to put selfies on my story and i thought i would make a story again this week after a 3 month break but i just couldn't. I started watching reels. and i hate reels!! i could spend all day watching reels and its so horrible!! looking at all these reels with groups of friends and best friends made me sick but i couldn't stop watching them. that's the problem with the internet. if i could i would have an old flip phone because a phone was made to call and text only! it is amazing that everything is evolving but at this speed the world is going to explode. We don't need all this amount of new iphones and shein/temu trash!! Like what is all this new ai generated shit?! i hate ai so bad. can i put a bomb under their headquarters or something 💔🥀 I CANT GET MYSELF TO STUDYYY PLEASE EVERYTHING IS DISTRACTING ME I HATE IT MY LORD!! so, life is pretty bad right now, i have my period and a sick amount of test next week, i don't think i will make it. good thing its saturday. so sorry for my venting guys i won't do it again but i need to let all of it out or i will cry hysterically. one thing that is keeping me up this week is the tea i love, my parents make it for wintery weather like today. Coca cola spilled in my bad yesterday and every single book exept for the one i hate is wet and drying at this very moment. i hate my life and the new bottle caps that don't come off. i need to study!

Tuesday wasn't so bad, actually it was really good i had an AMAZING HAIR DAY!!! (the pic is from last week) i woke up with heatless curls AND THEY BEHAVED SO WELL OH MY GOD!! At school everyone keeped on looking at me as i passed by, with was kind of uncomfortable, because no one talks to me but everyone stares 😔 ANYWAY!! The test i studied all weekend for was today and it was suprisingly easy?? I hope i'll have a good grade because in that subject i have terrible grades. Today i had a secret santa drawing with my classmates and i can't believe what kids they turned out to be. LITERALLY ONE SECOND AFTER THEY DRAWN THEY ASKED EACH OTHER WHO DO THEY HAVE!!!! of course i didn't tell anyone because this isn't the meaning of this event!! And yet i have one girl in class with WRITES DOWN WHO HAS WHOM. I really don't like that girl, because of her, my group of friends fell apart in September and now i'm sitting everywhere alone. I don't hate people, it's such a harsh word, i forgive everyone for their actions because it's their first life too, but be for real, can someone just tell her that what she does is really annoying and not funny?? A new filter for my turtle's aquarium came today, it is to big. it is meant for fishes but my dad ordered it by mistake thinking it was smaller. Now im laying in my bed and it's SO LOUD. I MEAN SOOO LOUUDDDD. I usually turn it of at night because of the power consumption and i can't wait to turn it off. WOAAAHHHH!!! i wrote too much!!! okay quick daily affirmation for those who had read it all (i love you)!! "always choose yourself first, then choose who chooses you"

Today was a loooonnggg day, and yet its just the beggining of the week, i don't think i will make it. My day at school wasn't THAT bad as i thought, it was another day of just sitting on my phone and doing crossword puzzles and of course learning. My physics teacher is such an interestning person and professors in total are just so impressive that they want and do the job they do like what??? what do you mean that you can teach a 9th grader and on the next lesson a 12th grader thats on whole diffrent level?! I can't stand it when others don't respect teachers, I know I sound a bit like a nerd or something but we are still people and everyone deserves respect!!! I feel sorry for every teacher who taught my class, because for another year in a row, we were called the worst in terms of behavior in school. I hate it here but love that i have an option to learn. So yeah, down below there are pics from today and THE BEST COFFEE IVE MADE IN A WHILE OH MY GOD of course instant coffee but i dont mind. SNOW!! and some photos i found on an old camera of mine. Okay i have to go, another like 50 minutes of studying is waiting for me have a great day or afternoon or night belloooo!!!

My hair isn't hairing, i have a bad mood and a bad feeling about today. ughh i hate my school so much 😔

i feel like i did absolutely nothing this weekend. this week is not going to be the best. i have to cut off my screentime because i was watching casa de papel all day long. i mean the series is amazing abd i love it so far but i need to focus on my studies!!!! i don't know what to do anymore, i think i have to delete most of the apps from my phone to dumbify it 💔💔

i cut off my social media for various reasons but one of them is to be more present at the moment. Usually i don't use my phone in cars and public transportation because i have motion sickness whenever i stare at a phone for a long time, so i stare at everything that's going outside the window and i catch soo manyy thingss that other people miss!!! I also love looking around when I walk home, I like to see what has changed in one day. I'm a clumsy person and i fall easily so that's another reason why i don't hold my phone while walking 😁. Today at the bus i saw three young boys taking a selfie, and it was so cute, they were making a memory last longer. i wish i had taken more photos with my friends in primary school, i kind of miss them but almost all of them changed so much. For better i think! I started taking more pictures of my daily life because of this app, with is amazing and i love that i can share them with someone who wants to see and read my awfully written stories and thoughts. I love you, you!❤️❤️❤️ ANYWAY OH MY GOD TODAY WAS AMAZING??!!!??!! Like my spark came back for one day! i hope tomorrow it'll be the same!! At school i had hard chemistry test and i HOPE PLEASE GOD that ut went well! Also i had a physics test that i was taking for logic, i really like my physics professor, he's so sweet and others don't respect him so much... He started to notice and remember my name, with is weirddd because other teachers call me by someone elses name or dont speak to me at all! I think i just needed a night to rest and i love that one girl who reminded me that it's okay to take a day off 🥹🥹❤️❤️ MY SPARK IS ACTUALLY BACK??? i danced to the soundtrack of tangled in between studying in my room and it was magical, please dance your ass off at least once a week if you're feeling bad!! When I got home I noticed that some strands of my hair had started to wave... is that a sign to restart doing my wavy hair routine??? i dont knowwww I STUDIED FOR THREE HOURS TODAY!!! it's such a great feeling i just can't stop smiling!!!! I have a rough week and i think i will make it! forget what i said yesterday, i was listening to depressing music and you know 🙄🙄... ALL RIGHT IVE GOT TO GO i have to read a difficult book for school, i also have a math test tomorrow 🫣😬 keep your fingers crossed please i need to pass this one!! LOVE YOU ALL SOOO MUCHHHH THANK YOU FOR READING ALL OF THISSSS ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 (sorry for the small amount of photos i was so busy today!! so there are some of my pins that i saved a while ago. AND JIM HALPERT OH MY GOD)

oh God how i love side bangs!!!!!!!!!! Today was a very good day, but kind of boring so i don't think that this post will be long... I had that math test today... I can't say how it vent because when i say anything about them it turns out that i get lower grades than i expected... Thats what happened yesterday when i got my chemistry grade back, 7 points out of 14.. with in my highschool is a D 💔💔 I was literally one point short of a higher rating!! But i tried and im proud of myself because i didn't cheat on that test and i studied hard for it. i don't know if i want to retake this test to get a better grade, i have to think about it. About retaking tests, i have a test with u got an F.. it is history class, and don't get me wrong history is super interestning and i love it and my teacher but my memory?! It just doesnt add up! and the dates??!!! hell noo!!! But i have to retake it tomorrow because it messes up with my ending grade. I studied for it! and i hope it goes well. OKAY I NEED TO STOP TALKING ABOUT SCHOOL!!!! Today at the bus i saw a man wearing a neon pink long jacket with a neon orange turtleneck, so brave colours!!! he made me smile so hard 😁😁 i love seeing people being themselfs and expressing themselfs!!! I express myself with my bangs, if its a bad bangs day.. well, the whole day has ended for me. Thats why i carefully and precisely blow-dry it to perfection every morning☺️☺️ On the photo below you can see THE BEST "BIRDS NEST" BUN IVE EVER MADE IT WILL BE MY NEW PERSONALITY FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR!!! my camera didn't capture how perfect this bun looked of course, but its got wabi sabi, also the most perfect side bangs, i just love them on myself!! i hope when i style them in the morning they will look like this tomorrow at school 🤞🏼 I love that after a long day me and my family, in particular my sister, can have a laughing session about literally anything, it doesnt need any more explanation and i think i can't do any more explanation because its so latee!!!!! its 23:16 in military time and i have a rule? if i can name it that way that can't, and im not lying, i can't fall asleep after midnight 😔 so ive got to go bc i have to do some other thingssss 💔💔 AND I SAID THAT THIS POST WONT BE LONG OHHH MY GOOODDDD 💔💔💔💔💔

It was a mid day if i can even call today that... i almost passed out on the bus today because i thought i'll be late and i was rushing so much that i walked a kilometer in 10 minutes. that's freaking insane. Also, the test i wanted to retake today, my teacher forgot about me and i was waiting in front of her class for 30 minutes before she came and apologised... Im retaking it on friday. Next, i have another test (math💀) im retaking tomorrow and i didn't study AT ALL today, i'm not proud of it but i needed a rest day... I didn't take any pictures of myself today, the photo is from july or june i guess. From the good things that happened today is the stickers i bought!!! i have a obsessio with stickers, my phone is decorated with them, my headphones, everything! i love stickers. I think i've got to write these post through out the day because i forget everything i want to write! ugh its so upsetting. So sorry for the short post today, im not feeling great 😔😔 maybe tomorrow will be better, goodnight sweethearts ❤️

Besides the fact that i almost cried in class today it was a pretty day, pretty bad. I almost cried because i failed another math test, the one that i thought was easy, i will never think like that again. i dont even know how these answers came to my mind, i messed up in so many places... But theres a bigger problem, i might not pass in math in this semester, if the test that i retook today went bad im you may not let me pass. This kind of situation is happening to me for the first time and im really stressed out, if someone tells me that its not that deep and that grades don't matter. to me they do, and to my parents, because i hate to see them being sad or dissapointed with me again. I don't know what to do anymore, my parents encourage me to take extra math classes, but firstly, I don't like them spending money on something that might not work, and secondly, I can't work individually with a teacher, It's really stressing me out. ughhh i hate math, why cant i be smarter :/ but i tried, and i will try until i pass :( anyway, one teacher complemented my hair today and it was so sweet because they did look stuning, i forgot to take a photo of them unfortunately 💔 The only thing that comfronted me today was the sun that came out for an hour (I wish it lasted longer) at 2pm. It was so beautifull outside and inside, i love when the sun is peeking through the windows and doors. OH WAIT WAS IT A SIGN??!!! was the sun a sigh from God that it's going to be okay??!!! I just remembered that i helped an old lady get on bus today, she was so sad because her legs are all sore and puffed up if i can even say that, i could see through her eyes that she was uncomfortable... She had a VERYYY HEAVY BAG!!! i didn't expect it to be that heavy!! of course i helped her get on the bus because we were going the same way. I think that the sun was a reward for my actions, thank you Lord❤️‍🩹 Anyway, tomorrow is a hard day because i have a test, a short quiz and i have to retake the history test, so yeah, i studied today!!! for 2,5 hours. im so proud. I think thats it, the title says itself, everything is better after school and i think i don't need to explain anything. love you guys so much, goodnight!!! 🩷🩷☺️

I didn't write a post yesterday, im really sorry!! In the first photo theres the box of sweets i got yesterday from my village community on the occasion of St. Nicholas Day. My biggest nightmare. Sweets all to myself. And just so you know, half of this box is already empty. Some people smoke because of stress, some drink and some deal with it. i eat. i eat so much. (Trigger warning for this sentence!) Thank god i have fast metabolism or something like that because I would be in a serious state of bulimia. When my mom finds out i ate so much, she probably would say that im selfish but she said that they are for me. Hell breaks loose when my mom has her period. The whole house is stressed. I hope she doesn't get it again during the holidays, because then the whole "stress-free" holiday break will be ruined. again. I did almost nothing today, i feel horible. the only thing I did was partially clean the room, clean the bathroom and dry a bouquet of flowers (for the results i'll have to wait like a week or so) i also studied a little bit for my geography test on monday but my head hurts so bad.. i shouldnt have laid in my bed till 11.30am 💔💔 its that damn phone, i wish i could just drown it. or teleport to the 1980s life back then was great and i would have watched the terryfying evolution of population and technology. I have so much to tell you guys but i dont have the strength right now. i just wish that people would respect each other, and that I would choose a different high school because this is hell. ive got another F from a test i studied, im really sad and my mom is mad. She told me thousands times that she doesnt care about grades! yeah right. i really tried. If only I were brave enough to cheat on tests. But im not, i shake like some sick person when i touch my phone or cheat sheet when taking a test. Its just another sign for me to study harder. study harder!!! if only my memory weren't so bad. i have to eat something normal but i just fought with my mom and she will find anything to bring up (to argue of course) when im eating. my head is blowing up oh my god please take my phone away. im going to cry again. im on my period. its winter. its cold. its night. its late. im lazy. im hungry. i did nothing today. sad music is playing. my head hurts. im sick. i wasted so much time today please i need sun, i need heat and the sun to blind me again, i hate winter so much can we skip it. im going to cry. im sorry that i didnt write a post yesterday i was really tired. love you all bye ❤️

another lazy day. im sick of school. im tired. i didn't study at all today, only 1.5h. but i will do it, if i don't believe in myself i won't pass my tests. i'll write a longer post tomorrow, sorry for not writing much its really hard for me in winter. i need sun, this goddamn european weather is going to kill me

Today was a very good day! I retook that math test today and it went well..?? i hope? I'm sorry I haven't written longer posts for a while! i will make it up to you all, but now its so hard at school that i can't keep up! I've got some good grades this week and im so so so proud of myself because the work is finally paying off 😁 Oh my god wait im watching la casa de papel RIGHT AT THIS MOMENT AND WHAT. WAIT WHAT WHAT WHAT IS GOING ON WHAT IM ON THE LAST EPISONE OF SEASON 3 AND HOW IS THERE TWO MORE SEASONS. oh my god its so good why havent i watched it before its so great my gosh. please my heart is beating so fast right now ive got goosbumps. i love a good series and movie and i do overreact all the time 😇 anyway 😁 i have to go to sleep because its so late but at least you've got my live reaction. I will write to you all tomorrow i promise! Love you all so much

Well hello!!! I am so so so sorry for not writing anything the last week!! I promise im doing well but all this is a bit overwhelming for me. I've been lazy and busy at the same time, its horrible 😞 I'm so happy that when this week's over i'll have a long break until January 7th!!! I can't wait. The last five days i've been procastinating studying, like always. i had a chemistry test yesterday for which I studied for but I can't get the point of this topic. Chemistry is so fascinating but hard :/ The test went so wrong i hope i get a few points from the thing that ive written... Im glad that I won't take it at the final exam!! Last weekend I went to my mom's friend house to make and decorate some gingerbread cookies ❤️ i think its a tradition now because its the third or fourth year in a row that we're meeting and its always so fun, i love it. Down below are some gingerbread cookies that ive decorated ☺️☺️😁 From Wednesday to Friday nothing interesting happened if I remember correctly... oh god i had so many ideas for this post but all of them vanished!!! I hate winter. its dark when i wake up, dark when i come back home, dark all day long. Like please can we have spring already 💔💔💔 Today was a veeerryyyy loonggg dayyy!! My mom woke me up an hour before i was supossed to so I didn't get enough sleep.. After a long school day i went to my aunt who did my New Year's Eve nails they're so beautiful i love them ❤️❤️ i wanted darker nails for a long time ☺️☺️ I will post a photo of my nails in the next post! Tomorrow i'll have another very long day. My first class at school is at 8 a.m. I have a math test, very hard math test. I leave at 3:15 p.m. and right after school I go to the shopping mall to finally buy a gift for the person I drew in the class Christmas drawing. I've been putting this off for two weeks because I didn't know what to buy. I feel terrible about buying things at the last minute. Keep your fingers crossed that I find what I'm looking for because we're giving away gifts on Friday... I also have to make cookies and cupcakes for the class Christmas Eve party on Friday, for me and my sister, because in my house I'm the only one who bakes such delicious ones ☺️☺️🤤🤤🤤 Good thing the holiday break is coming soon have a good day, or good night 🩷🩷🩷