currently it’s 5:50 in the morning and i haven’t slept yet. gotta be up in 3 hours for class AUGHH why do i do this to myself. 0/10 do NAWT recommend 😭😭😭

this is mostly for me, a way for me to reflect instead of blowing up my emotions into something that really isn’t a big deal. i failed my 3rd test. 67. (i wish i was joking). and with my grade being a 66 in biology and being on academic probation, it really ruined my afternoon. i sat there, looming over every possibility that could happen if i failed my final exam. it’s a motivation i haven’t gotten in a minute, but now instead of it being voluntary. it’s required. in order for me to get above a 90 overall in my class, i need a 90 or higher on this final. i have 4 weeks and we have just started unit 4. if i spend my time wisely and start studying now instead of procrastinating, i should get a grade im proud of, and therefore not get kicked out. this is not over, and in a month ill be looking back at this moment wishing i had done something instead of mope around.

blimpie - cute name, does it make sense? no. maggie/magpie - this has old lady kitty energy, would love to adopt an older lady someday and just give her the best life rotisserie (if naked) SAW THIS FOR SOMEONES NAKEY CAT AND I LOVED IT aughhh the naked cats in sweaters awwuuhhhhh tofu - apparently has negative connotations bc white women use this name a lot?? wasabi - also has negative connotations? sushi roll - really love sushi and this just is such a cute name idea but i also would understand why people have certain assumptions tied to it. callie - I LOVE THIS NAME! feels so cutie and perfect for a cat, especially a calico??? winnie - had a friend growing up with this as a nickname and think it would be so cutie for a cat rouge - such a cunty name for a kitty, think like all-white girl cat that crosses her paws. (i’m biased towards girl kitties, sue me.) alice - this was my one of current kitty’s names before family renamed her but i was too young to really appreciate this name oli/oliver - had to throw in some neutral names as well since i might get a boy cat but who knows!! juno/juniper/junie bug - also name of a friend from middle school, lots of fun nickname opportunities jinx - guess where i got this one from… moxxie - ok,, in my defense,, i only like the name, NOT the show in the slightest but the name was cutie. probs would wait a bit (10 years) before using it though mabel & dipper - if i ever adopt two kitties that are a bonded pair, these two are SUCH good names tiramisu - could you imagine a tortiseshell cat with this name?? UGH gorgeous megatron - thought it was funny, also endearing in a weird way? iris - what is it with old lady names being so good for cats?? toothless - is it overused? maybe. do i care? no. tails - tails is my second favorite character and i think he is just the cutest lil thang shadow - black cat energy???

overall: really like the changes in this album. mitski for me always felt like a heartbreaking singer to listen to and this feels a lot more melancholy or bittersweet than just,, instant depression when listening so the change is happily welcomed! the album cover is SO CUTE! gives off old timey paintings of cats when they’re so ugly in them but you can’t help but love them because they’re still so endearing in their own way track 01 — in a lake good first song, liked the slow introduction and her voice is always so nice to listen to. really nothing bad to say here. track 02 — where’s my phone? oh wow. i LOVED that intro, the drums were a surprise to this song. but that’s all i really liked about this one. nothing bad to say about it, just feels very meh to me. i like the outro of the song as well. track 03 — cats had to listen to this twice, thanks spotify for not having lyrics. oughhhh this song,,, this song is so so good but so bittersweet. that desperation in having a relationship that you know is so far away from what it used to be… the image of two rescue cats,, oh i’m sobbing. track 04 — if i leave LOVE THE DRUMS? IN THE BEGINNING. feels like such a cry for help, like, the whole song just screams “i don’t know how to exist without you” - someone who’s clinging to a past relationship because they don’t know what life is like without the,. the change halfway through? love love LOVE. track 05 — dead women hoooh boy, rescinding my statements about this album being sad because the start of the song being “would you had liked me better if i’d had died, so you could tell my story the way it ought to be.” is HEARTBREAKING. track 06 — instead of here “i’m not here, i’m where nobody can reach” - THIS LINE OUUUHGGHH. escapism in songs my beloved.. mitski’s way of storytelling through music is so so good and her VOICE is just,,, breathtakingly beautiful. the piano parts are such a nice touch as well. track 07 — i’ll change for you mitski talks about this song being “pathetic, drunk calling their ex, begging for another chance” and omg omg omg auhghhhh. the audio of two people just living their lives together intertwined with the audio. track 08 — rules i like the vibe of this song. the beginning threw me off a bit, i didn’t like it as much at first but i can get used to it. the lyrics are an example of “lyrics being depressing while the beat is more peppy”. i can say i definitely like that change though. track 09 — that white cat while looking at the lyrics for this song, i read just how intertwined these songs are with each other. the callbacks or small details she makes to her previous songs. love what she does with her voice in this one, very different from the other songs in that regard. this song especially has a vibe that reminds me of the crane wives. track 10 — charon’s obol lots of references to animals in this album. cats, dogs, bugs, birds. “those were the dogs owned by the girls, who died in that house” is so similar to i’m your man AUGHHHHSGSH. my favorite song on this album!! track 11 — lightning this song sounds very similar to her past songs, her voice is amazing in every song she does but i especially love it in this one. THE BUILD UP AND RELEASE AT 1:51?? MITSKIIII aughhh, i lied, this might be my favorite track. the instruments are also so beautiful in the background.

WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT TO LEARN. WHY AM I HAVING TO SEARCH UP THOUSANDS OF VIDEOS TO UNDERSTAND? I DONT HAVE TIME FOR ADS JUST TELL ME WHAT I NEED TO KNOW

it’s a rhetorical question, i know why. the gore filled videos they’d show in drivers ed of people’s heads being smashed open on concrete, people’s lives being forever changed because of one mistake that wasn’t even their own. it’s a childish fear and i need to just get over it. i can’t rely on other people forever. it’s so embarrassing to admit whenever someone asks so i just say that i don’t have a car (it’s only a half lie). the times i have driven, it’s been a half success with small mistakes that have me paralyzed and so critical of myself that i think “that could’ve killed somebody,”. but, a scared driver is a dangerous driver, so i’m better off the roads according to tiktok comments. i’m a sophomore in college, yet i feel like i haven’t aged past 15 years old, trembling as i grip the wheel of my moms 2016 SUV on the way to drivers ed. i know that the only way to get over it is to start small, literally everyone in my life has told me, but it feels like i’ll never get to that point. i’m the only thing holding back my independence and i’m constantly in a war with my own head. will it ever get better?