i went on a date today. the guy was very nice and he insisted on opening every door for me and payed for my food with zero hesitation. he was a little funny, and he laughed at all my jokes. he talked a lot. he didn't ask me very many questions about myself. he was tall, with nice hair. and he has nice green eyes. he has a good, loud laugh. but he looked different than i had expected, and i know that may make me shallow, but i've tried to like people for only their personality before and it didn't work. i need physical attraction, even if that makes me shallow. i didn't feel a spark. his attempts at flirting fell short, i wasn't sure how to respond to most of them. they weren't bad! i just felt numb. i get jealous of people who can go on dates and be casual around dating, but i rarely go on dates. i want real romance! i want butterflies in my stomach and fireworks when we kiss and someone thoughtful who listens to me and matches my intelligence and has their own interests and is attractive and kind and interesting!! i refuse to settle for bare minimum and hookups and convincing myself to be attracted to someone simply because they are nice. i know what i bring to the table, i recognize my strengths and weaknesses as they are, and i deserve someone who matches me, and loves me, and is right for me. and i will keep hoping for that love to find me! but wanting more, refusing to settle, being a hopeless romantic, it is so so lonely. i keep my standards high, but sometimes i wish they weren't because i feel so hopelessly alone. i'm so tired of being alone.