I don't know how to cope with not having friends. I was telling myself that i need some time alone, to get to know the real me, and i guess i kind of found myself, not completely ofc. It just hits me everyday that people just talk with each other, and they are real life friends. And i partialy had that a few months ago, it was a toxic friendship because the friend group was hating on each other and other people that had nothing to do with them, i just don't like when someone is laughing at someone else, for example someone with a mental disability. Its just cruel, and i did laugh with them for a whole year, they were draining my social battery. And then something clicked, there was a moment like i september, when the girls were laughing at my They were laughing at the name of a guy I really liked. It's not very common, but it's not a big deal to me, it was kind of cute! They were laughing so hard that one girl TOLD HIM THAT SOMEONE IN OUR GROUP LIKED HIM. and i was done. i couldn't tell anything because my body froze in "laughter". And the next day i confronted the girl (with was at the time my "best" [toxic] friend) i thought was the one who told him. I told her that it was awful, alongside all the other things that she's done (to be clear i don't speak loudly about my feelings i just keep it to myself because i don't want people to be mad or hurt) and she just couldn't accept that someone is critisizing her. Its just such a long story and i don't know if i should write it here. Anyway, she hates me and ignores me, i see my mistake and told the actual girl who told him that it was wrong and she just said sorry and accepted it. Since then life was horribleeee!!! It all happened in september!! All my other classmates and other people who one where our mutual friends heard her side of the story with was obviously without her fault. Some people already forgotten about it or they don't care because they talk with me like once every three days. At least that! I feel so lonely at school. And no, other classes don't talk with ours so i couldn't make friends in other classes 😔 i just ruined everything!! i think i would like to be in a toxic friendship than not be in any!! I also uninstalled all my social media (but it was like in january) and i dont keep up with anyone, i don't know am i isolating myself when im just trying to find friends?? I can't study anymore, i don't have the motivation, no one cares about anything in my life besides my family. i recently installed instagram back and it was a mistake!! Every 1-2 months i come back literally for a day to put selfies on my story and i thought i would make a story again this week after a 3 month break but i just couldn't. I started watching reels. and i hate reels!! i could spend all day watching reels and its so horrible!! looking at all these reels with groups of friends and best friends made me sick but i couldn't stop watching them. that's the problem with the internet. if i could i would have an old flip phone because a phone was made to call and text only! it is amazing that everything is evolving but at this speed the world is going to explode. We don't need all this amount of new iphones and shein/temu trash!! Like what is all this new ai generated shit?! i hate ai so bad. can i put a bomb under their headquarters or something 💔🥀 I CANT GET MYSELF TO STUDYYY PLEASE EVERYTHING IS DISTRACTING ME I HATE IT MY LORD!! so, life is pretty bad right now, i have my period and a sick amount of test next week, i don't think i will make it. good thing its saturday. so sorry for my venting guys i won't do it again but i need to let all of it out or i will cry hysterically. one thing that is keeping me up this week is the tea i love, my parents make it for wintery weather like today. Coca cola spilled in my bad yesterday and every single book exept for the one i hate is wet and drying at this very moment. i hate my life and the new bottle caps that don't come off. i need to study!