And that intense feeling of sonder hit again while I was going out. 🌟 saw children swimming in a river, wondered about them. 🌟 made plans to go to Milliken hill. 🌟 talked with Chakeleke for a long while. 🌟 watched a beautiful sunset. 🌟 came home feeling like I should be doing something I'm not doing.

soon visiting there after my exams. I need a break.

Today I went to lesson but I came back earlier. Then I and Jayne went to Chakeleke's house and we had all plans to study, but we instead discussed and talked about everything and nothing. I felt this sense of camaraderie around them. I know we're all going through a lot. perhaps, dissonance. We are in this stage in our lives where all we want to do is to take a long break, or just be free, or travel to where nobody knows us and we feel like we can't stay in one place and we just want to go faraway. We are tired. And it isn't just about normal tiredness. it's hard to explain... I don't know if there's a word for it... perhaps quarter life crisis? Is that too much? I don't know. I wrote in my Journal, Veronica, today. It's been a while. I feel light.

Well, I totally forgot to write yesterday. I had so many things doing and... I only got to write one article in my journal, I did this around 2 am, I like to think that's when inspiration hits better. I bought the glitter pen already, my bank account is literally cryingggg but it's worth it.😭 They're so very pretty, and they just brighten up my journal. Something wild happened yesterday, and I'm going to write about it... That and the fact that I'm such a big Narnia fan and I've not even already written that here. It's going to turn into a TEDx if I do... and that's a lot because I'm not really a movie person. Books are more like it, but where do I start from yapping about the 50 plus books I've read in my Library.😭😭 The struggles are real. I'm currently writing in my journal noe. I have a lot to write aboutttttt! ciao.💖

Today, I stayed in my mother's shop. I am meant to be in lesson, but one thing led to another thing and here I am. There's this quote I saw, it said: Next week has exhausted me. I never really understood it until now. The remaining days of this week has already exhausted me, mehnnnn. I'm so tired.

I don't even know if I'm the only one that has great fashion taste but I don't have money to buy the clothesss!!! 😭 Like, I've been wanting to buy jorts for a while now but they're mad expensive... and my savings aren't getting me anywhere. My Pinterest board is sometimes painful to look at.

So... I was just thinking of how I and one of my friend went slowly from friends to... whatever we are now. It made me think of the term "strangers to friends" which is exactly what it is. It's a bit complicated, my history with my friend, that is... but it is filled with a lot of memories. I don't know where we are now, but I know we are not where we used to be. Things changed, I guess. It stings when I think about it. And it makes me remember this line from The Night We Met by Lord Huron: "I had all and then most of you, some and and now, none of you". Goshhh, it stings.

I've always loved Zhang Linghe's actingggg. Well, ever since I watched, "The Best Thing". And now, THISSSSS!!! And the edits of them are so fireeeeee!!! I can't wait to finish this. Lord help meeeeee.

No words!!! Actually, a lot of words but I don't think want to write a flipping article!!!

This was a random reminder that I can still weild a pencil... well, as long as I have a picture in front of me. Trying to draw from memory was never really my calling. Found this on Pinterest, and I drew it... and I'm looking for the original picture, but I can't seem to find it.

I went to church today. I never even believed that there shall come a time like this when I'd not go to church for weeks. I have no excuse (because none of them are excuses really). The church was full... I didn't even know St Paul's was that big... and I felt so underdressed... but then again it's church. I felt a bit melancholic. I miss this intimacy with God, but then... (proceeds to insert all the intimate, over sharing core, deconstructing era with religion and everything about my relationship with God.) Happy Sundayyyy.🤍

Alrightttt, so I'm currently waiting until after my exams to watch The Pursuit of Jade with my friend. Actually... we both have decided to wait, can't be throwing away our futures for Cdramas. But the edit I've been seeing of the movieeeeee. They're literally everywhere, Zhang Linghe is everywhere.😭

It's really funny how I was worrying my head off, and having spasms and panic attacks (more or less connected to studying)... but now that my exams are two weeks away, I just laugh whenever I think about it. I just want to write it and be done really. I keep rethinking my decision about being in science... still I know that if nursing is my lawful husband, the Humanities will always be my lover boy. (saw this quote on Pinterest.) I just want to go far away after this exam. I'm not even exaggerating. Far far away.

I cried yesterday night. Like deep sorrowful cry that shook me. 385 books in my library were deleted... I don't know, maybe I deleted some files, and I came to read, everything was gone. I can't even think about it. I don't know how to start rebuilding. Also, I started Tumblr... and I miss Substack sooooo much.🤧

Happy New Monthhhhh. Today I got a really splendid surprise from a friend... and that was a pdf with the title: "Extension of the 2026 UTME exams", and my first thought was, "God, whyyyy?" because I didn't want any extensions, but guess what I saw as I opened the PDF ✨April Fool✨ 🥲🥲🥲 It's really my fault for opening WhatsApp first thing in the morning.

Posting on Tumblr isn't all that bad. I used a name I've always loved for quite some time. And I just love that on all the social media platforms I'm on, my names are different and the same. On Substack, it's my first name, on TikTok, Instagram, Threads and Pinterest, it's a derivation of my first name. Here and X, it's my middle name... and finally Tumblr gets my fourth? name. 🥲😂 *skedaddles.💃🏾

This song reminds me of when it used to remind me of someone. Does this make sense? It was some kind of hopeless long distance shit that we got going on, and he wanted to be in a relationship... but I wasn't ready for that, we still remained friends (bad idea), then school got him, and got me afterwards... and we just drifted. Looking back now, I feel like our relationship was built on me always over apologizing for things. God, I don't even want to think about it. Gives me a nasty headache.🤧

You know those kind of friends that you won't talk to for like... two weeks, then they send you a "heyyyy girllll" message and you just update each other on what's going on. (I don't know why I'm writing with the second person pronoun.), but yeah, that's my relationship with Prisca. We had this little fallout though, talked about it and we just came back again. I went over to her house and I love that the first way we greeted each other is by laughing. it was funnnn!

Currently standing outside waiting for my e-pin, something happened... a mistake on my part, but it's been clarified, so me (and some others) are waiting. My legs are hurtinggggggg. And I'm so hungry I could eat a cow.

I'm a really bad Mayor. Just recently started taking my town seriously.🤧 I just didn't know how to arrange it. Also, I'm currently brokeeeeee. Good news is that I finally joined a good, active co-op. We're trying to move from the demotion list in regatta.

I recently came back(?) on Substack, I haven't written on there for say... four months. And it's not like I don't have any stories in my drafts, I do, but in my bid to write happy stories, I posted none of them. I stayed up till 3 am today, writing. I'm writing, but not WRITING. Does that make sense? it's hard to explain. Also, this quote is my Substack header image. Gosh.

I saw a short video on this yesterday. I might post it on Tumblr, the part where Miwako said she's tired both spiritually and mentally. It has minimal dialogue, and focuses on the atmosphere, nature, her inner thoughts. I just love the movie in ways that I can't put in words. Okay, I think I might cry.😭

Exams are officially beginning next week. I just pray that I'm not posted far. I'm really not looking forward to an "adventure". Our last mock exam is on Monday. I feel like I'm going to break many people's hearts.

SEUNGMIN IS SO FINEEEEEEE!!! And I love his voicesoo much. I learned that he was so insecure of his smile, especially when he wore braces. And I relate to that sooooo much. I'm still learning to love my smile, and to smile without covering my mouth. Sheesh, there were times I hated my teeth and my smile so much. And I love that I'm now learning to smile without feeling the need to hide, just like seungmin.

I'm still going to embark on the adventure after all. After everything, I still was posted far away. On the 18th. *cue loud, unhinged screaming!

Listening to this currently. It's so relatable, so nostalgic. I'm only just really discovering PinkPantheress. I love this song already.

I'm officially free(?). My exams are doneeee. I felt relief. Heavenly relief. I came back late last night, it was a freaking tiring journey. And I also saw Blessing and Amarachi. Gosh, everything happened in a rush, and it made me feel like... I don't even know. This were people I used to see everyday and now we're saying hurried goodbyes. Anyhoo, there's still more. But I've got work to do.

There are some things I did in the past, and when I think about them, boy o boy, I just want to slap that girl. Yesterday night, I stayed up all night writing, mostly about the way I've matured in my thoughts, or things I believe in. It was a longgggg one. Also, especially about feminist discourse. And how I knew people, or tried to make people like me... you know what? It's a lot. Remembering everything literally makes me want to crawl out of my own skinnnnnnn.😖😖 I've really come far, and I love that.

Yesterday was funnnn. I went out to Home of the Elderly with Chakeleke and her younger sister, Chinwekene. They have a very beautiful garden there. We did goofy things, took pictures. It made my whole dayyyyy. Also, Jayne wanted to skewer us because she couldn't make it.😭😂

Also, I had this discussion with said dude about which one is best: a meaningful life or a happy life. It was mind warping, I won't lie, but that's exactly the kind of conversations I loveeeee.😝 Though I discussed it with him, I and my one of my girlfriends still discussed it. My two cent was: If one finds meaning in something, it brings it's own fulfilment which is it's own happiness. A genuinely happy life is meaningful, and a meaningful life is happy. What I wrote in my journal was a lottt more than this. I also think that for him, his own definition of "a meaningful life" was objective, which shouldn't be the case. The definition of a meaningful life can vary depending on the individual.

I can't count how many times within the past two hours I've reached for my earbuds only to realize decided to give up on me for no freaking reason. The whole story that led to that is complicateddddd, I don't even know when I'm getting another one. I literally can't sit still when I think of music. D'you think it's an addiction? Am I addicted to music?!!! 😫🤧

So... I might soon be getting a job. My hopes are high. I can't keep staying home, it's just so sad. I'm writing my application letter. My friend, Chakeleke is also applying for a job, though the place a bit farther from mine. I really wanted us to be going home together. My days are about to become very hectic.

Well, guess who's obsessed with the Artemis II mission, and the crew and everything about it? This gworlllll!!! 😝😝😝😝😝😝 I've been hearing about this early April, but I didn't have time to really look into it because it was the last days before I wrote my exams. But now? Now I want to be an astronaut, and know every freaking thing about space and spacecrafts so I can be part of Artemis III. I just love the way the crew, I love the pictures of Earth from space NASA uploaded. It just shows that at the end, we are all the same floating on this beautiful, rock in the middle of a void. It's a really humbling experience seeing things from that perspective. I wrote a long, kind of research about them. I'm still in the process and I'm loving every bit of itttttt! And their edits have so much AURAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! 🔥🔥🔥🔥

"Houston, we're at stable one. The ship is secure. This is Artemis II signing off." The phrase marked the successful end of the Artemis II mission. The commander, Reid Wiseman, said this on April, 2026 immediately following the Orion Capsule's Splashdown. I don't know what, but it's so poignantttt.

I now have a new earpoddddd!!! Gosh, I can listen to music, and I bought Bayonetta glasses for reading. They're so fineeeeeee. 🤭😝

On this day, I remember just sitting on the bed and trying to write. And I did write.