I just saw this quote, and I know that maybe it just seemed like it was for me. Sometimes, I think I should've done something in the Humanities... perhaps English and Literary Studies, or something else. Anything. I feel like I'm a paradox... or maybe it's an alter ego. One part of me that's Sciences and the other that has so much passion for the Arts... and I mean, burning searing passion. I do not hate the Sciences... or hate that I'm studying a course under it... sometimes I just think, and ask myself "what if?" Right now, my writing and my love for everything under the Humanities are not my priority, but they're still a large part of my life. Everything I am. You'll first know that I'm a writer before you know that I'm studying Nursing. And I don't know what to do with all this. I'm afraid I'll lose this part of myself in the long run... and that scares me so freaking much. 2nd picture represents everything I loveeeeee!!! #randomthoughts #journaling

I'm having these thoughts. I always have them.. yunno, deep thoughts about life (my life), and about just being. I thought back to when I wrote on Substack consistently... and my poems on Writco, and all of that. And my good old friend, Melancholy came knocking at my door. I'm going to buy glitter pens tomorrow, God willing, they're mad expensive... but I need themmmmm! And I need to redecorate my journal, and just get a hold on everything regarding my social life. Once I'm done with my exams, I literally cannot do anything without feeling guilt that I'm supposed to be studying. Well, except writing this... this is self help.🥲💖 I'll keep posting quotes that resonates with me. my gallery is filled with them, so imma just be dropping them here. Oh, and I might also get stickers tomorrow. I have so much money.🤧 I just might write out the sort of introductory post I wrote in Veronica here. it's quite long. That's all for my yap session. Thanks for listening to my TEDx.

Yesterday, I got a friend request and a message request on Facebook and when I checked it out, I saw that it was from one of my friends back in secondary school, around 2021. At first, I didn't know how to react, and I kept staring at the message for a while. She was my very close friend back then, before they had to move (to another freaking state) Anyway, we started talking, and though it seemed awkward at first, it all fizzled out and we eased back into our normal chattering, bickering, and sassy remarks. We caught up on each other’s personal lives and asked about what the years had been like. Our struggles. Happy stories. Sad stories. Everything and nothing. We talked a longggg time. And let me admit that it felt like I was in a daze. A surprise attack reunion. I'm glad we got talking again, and that we'll last long. Talking about reunions, this got me thinking about something else I wanted to write about.

Two years ago, I parted ways with one of my friends I can’t seem to forget. I always called her Ellachukwu, and sometimes I wondered what she was doing in Science class because this girl was a mad artist. But she always said she loved the science side too. I guess we were similar in that way. God knows how much I loved her drawings. I still have a few of them. She was always eager to learn, especially biology. I always sat beside her in biology class. And she never charged me when she drew for me, unlike how she did with others. She always made me laugh. Around her, I could be as goofy as I wanted. She loved Korean dramas. Loved drawing manga. Always gesticulating wildly when she talked and never caring when people laughed. She was the first to read whatever I wrote. The one who listened to all my stories and read every single one. I was always eager to write because I knew she would read it. If she ever read my current stories on Substack, she’d probably be shocked. My writing has changed a lot since then. When I called her aunt about a year ago, she said Ellachukwu was in Port Harcourt, just like she once told me she would be. Some days I just think about her and wonder where she is, and how she’s doing. I miss those days when it felt like our friendship could go on forever. I hope she becomes a great nurse. I’m really rooting for that. And I hope she never stops drawing. Seeing her picture on my phone from May 2024 just brought back all the memories. Goshhhhhhh.😭😭

There's a quote I saw recently that said we can't self-love our need for platonic friendships or romance, and I think that's true. I think we all have that desire to be seen and chosen by someone, and the loneliness that comes with not having anyone hits hard. I've been in that cocoon before, and it's messy... plus, I'm an introvert and I have just a few friends. I always remind myself that I haven't met everybody I'm going to meet, there's still more years, more people to meet, more friends to make. That's gives me a slice of comfort.

I don’t consider myself a social commentator… well, not really. But but I’m actively forming my own perspectives on important issues... something that became clearer to me after I wrote a long essay on the interview between Daniel Bwala and Mehdi Hasan on Al Jazeera’s Head to Head two weeks ago. I’m going through what I’ve started to call my Renaissance period. I think It’s less of a phase and more of questioning things I was taught to accept without hesitation. I have more questions than answers, and some things just don’t sit right anymore. It feels like unshackling, like I’m slowly discovering myself beyond what I was told to be. It’s strange, going back through my journal and seeing beliefs I once held so firmly. Now, I'm just in some sort of limbo.

I saw Perpetual in Church today. She didn't see me, and I'd have missed her if I hadn't glanced back again. It's been like two years since I last saw her, and that was the year we graduated. Back in 2024, when we had this little family chain in school and she was my mother.

So... today my mock went well. I was so pissed because the exam we were supposed to start by 9 am started by 12 pm, and there was this man that kept yapping on and on and on. I noticed some patterns in Physics and Chemistry, I hope I do better for the next phase. Also, Best went mountaineering, the view was beautifullll. I might also go mountaineering with Chakeleke, and stay there, just start living the wild life or something.

Watching this after my exams! The edits I've seen so far are fireeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! "yearning day and night".

Took some pictures while coming back. Hunger was eating me, but I still had time to take pictures. Also, the school is so freaking vast. It made me just want to run and roll around. Alsoooooo, as I was writing this, I just came up with the perfect title for this record.😝😝😝🌝

I saw a short video on this yesterday. I might post it on Tumblr, the part where Miwako said she's tired both spiritually and mentally. It has minimal dialogue, and focuses on the atmosphere, nature, her inner thoughts. I just love the movie in ways that I can't put in words. Okay, I think I might cry.😭

This song is so bittersweet. And melancholic, and nostalgic.🤧 Takes me back to the good old days.

I'm TAYAD. I'm EKZOSTED. I miss my dad, and I want to hug him, but guess where he is? You guessed it right... oceans away. I don't know what I'm feeling, it's just a whole lot of things. I don't even know. I was just thinking about how I want to do a lot of things in life... I'm a perfect example of feeling everything and feeling nothing.

There are some things I did in the past, and when I think about them, boy o boy, I just want to slap that girl. Yesterday night, I stayed up all night writing, mostly about the way I've matured in my thoughts, or things I believe in. It was a longgggg one. Also, especially about feminist discourse. And how I knew people, or tried to make people like me... you know what? It's a lot. Remembering everything literally makes me want to crawl out of my own skinnnnnnn.😖😖 I've really come far, and I love that.

Just thoughts and quotes. I've already started gathering all my writings. They're scattered all over the place, so I'm getting them all together. Writco is still down. I'm telling myself that I'll start over if it really is that all my poems there are lost, but starting over is not the easy. It is not. I'm going to grieve. Also, I wrote something about the first quote... but it's quite the opposite of it.

I forgot to write about this. Some days back, one of my friends whom I used to be very close with, came back into my life (ish). And while I've had this whole nostalgic thing, sometimes reminiscing our time together and stuff, I accepted that our relationship had reached it's natural end, and we were meant to part ways. But now she's back. And we're chatting. And while I'm aware that she's now in some way a familiar stranger (years has literally passed), she's still behaving like I'm a bit unchanged. I feel like perhaps she still thinks she's talking to the same me. I mean she is, but she's not. And our humour used to be in sync, I literally don't feel it now. Gosh.

I was scrolling through TikTok when I saw this video of this dude who is a femboy. The video was supposed to be a sad vibe, and the caption said: "Stop killing Femboys, not all are gay". I get what he was trying to pass across, but it didn't come out right. So, the femboys that are gay should be killed? How about stop killing people. Period. How about treating people with basic human respect. I could dive into the whole topic of misplaced priorities. This country is literally crumbling: Terrorism, paedophilia, rape, mass murders, kidnappings, all forms of insecurities and corruption, and some people are channeling their energy into being homophobic. It's just so sad and foolish.

Well, guess who's obsessed with the Artemis II mission, and the crew and everything about it? This gworlllll!!! 😝😝😝😝😝😝 I've been hearing about this early April, but I didn't have time to really look into it because it was the last days before I wrote my exams. But now? Now I want to be an astronaut, and know every freaking thing about space and spacecrafts so I can be part of Artemis III. I just love the way the crew, I love the pictures of Earth from space NASA uploaded. It just shows that at the end, we are all the same floating on this beautiful, rock in the middle of a void. It's a really humbling experience seeing things from that perspective. I wrote a long, kind of research about them. I'm still in the process and I'm loving every bit of itttttt! And their edits have so much AURAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! 🔥🔥🔥🔥

Yesterday, I was discussing with one of my friend, and the conversation took a very nostalgic turn. Back in Junior Secondary, she was my best friend, we hung out together, made so much memories, before she moved out of the state. And soon, we were saying, "remember when...", "remember when...". It amazed me the memories I still keep, that I guess will never really leave. And when we were done, we just asked: Where have the years gone? Gosh, it was just sooooo nostalgic. Like I was back in 2019. It was sad and surreal at the same time.

So... I got kicked out of my Township co-op. Just when I was starting to find camaraderie there. I always played the games in regatta and helped, I don't know why they kicked me out. I was thinking of rejoining to ask "hey pookies, what did I do wrong?", but they must have done it for a reason. I felt forlorn for a while, then I created my own co-op. It's a bit dry. I named it Aurora.

I wrote some sort of story adaptation on a scene from this movie. It moved me like that. I love that it was very quiet and still so very loud. I've always loved messed up protagonists, people that are pushing on despite the many things weighing them down. I love how the movie blatantly portrayed everyone's struggles, everyone's fight. It's a lotttt. gosh, I don't have words.

So... I kind of disappeared. It's been a whole lotttttt! I've started building my library again, started prepping and all. May is already sparse on here. I loosened my dreadlocks. I miss my hairrrrrrr.