The main reason why I couldn't listen to my lofi playlists was because I wouldn't let myself get sad. Oddly enough, feeling sad is comforting. Maybe it's a wallowing type of thing but this year, it hasn't been that. I've just really ben avoiding the feeling of solemnity. Lo-Fi ambient music gives me that feeling and I used to be able to sit well with it. This year, it's just been hard for me to slow down and think—to place my feelings outside of myself and to just stare at it or embrace it. I have to accept it's okay to feel things without understanding them first; that's one of the newer realizations I've had. It makes sense as a concept and I've definitely thought of that before but this year has been developing more than just cognizance. I have to allow myself to feel my skin before putting on 10 layers of clothing to protect myself before work. I have to allow my heart to be held even if the one holding it is me. I have to stop compartmentalizing everything. I need to finally let go and let be.