... I wondered if in the end I would not be argued into silence by someone in good graces with the world, by the excuses of which the world approved. It was only too obvious that favoritism inevitably exists: it would have been useless to complain to human beings. So I said noting of the truth. I felt I had no choice but to endure whatever came my way and go on playing a clown.

For someone like myself in whom the ability to trust others is so cracked and broken that I am wretchedly timid and am forever trying to read the expression on people's faces.

As long as I can make them laugh, it doesn’t matter how, I’ll be alright. If I succeed in that, the human beings probably won’t mind it too much if I remain outside their lives. The one thing I must avoid is becoming offensive in their eyes: I shall be nothing, the wind, the sky.