This song The character's a narcissist,in every synth,he insists,that she does not deserve him.Put that aside. In pursuit of getting her,he changes who he is,his hair and his personality. He becomes vulnerable to her ("I put my heart on my sleeve,change my hair and my personality"). He also says that he does not deserve her. This changes everything as the song progresses. He acknowledges that a part of him acknowledges that he should leave,but he can't. He's already centered his life around her. And in that state of despair he makes such beautiful music, beautiful gray, melancholic music. Filled with synths that make me fall in love with his black and white aesthetic. He's getting hurt but he'd rather stay with the hope of one day being with her once more rather than being in an existence where she isn't in it,even if he truly is getting hurt,the duality of a toxic relationship