hallucinth's 평점

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평점

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hallucinth's 평점 - repov

been meaning to read this for awhile but only had the courage to pick up a shuzo oshimi manga last night. i have a lot of thoughts but first things first this becomes genuinely painful to read in the latter half i could physically feel it through how much i kept sighing every page bcs i was stressed out by how cyclical their relationships are and how yohei for most of the story feels like a hamster trapped in a running wheel. i want to approach this manga in a more nuanced way (not just straight up read this as a queer story since that would prob elicit a diff take from me) bcs i feel like eroticism and sexuality and masculinity are intersections rarely explored this intimately in media. at first i rlly thought this was gonna be the conventional self-acceptance story but i guess this isnt really a story you can read and interpret expecting neat commentary on queer identity. that was just my initial impression. the more i sat with it the more i realized it was less about the desire to transition into another identity and more about the murkier psychological territory of masculinity itself. theres just so much emphasis on “becoming a man” “boys will be boys” and “manhood" over and over like god its so imposing in the narrative and oshimi is pretty deliberate from the beginning that kei is neither fully woman nor man and i kept trying to locate it within existing words like oh! wait nonbinary? agender? but reaching the end i think the point is that the story resists categorization altogether. it also says a lot that so much of the manga’s imagery is so liquid. like bodies blurring or melting into each other and faces or bodies dissolving together. maybe im reading too much into it but it really feels like a visual manifestation of the elusiveness of selfhood and how identity itself is viscous and impossible to simply poke and pin down. i woulddd really loooove to dissect this more someday when i recover from my writing fatigue bcs theres so much here to unpack but i digressss...... but yeah i think oshimi did an incredible job portraying relationships that r so so toxic and messy and parasitic (but considering this manga gets discussed as a trans story a lot i wouldnt rlly call this a good trans rep per se bcs yeah it's there but i spent the entire manga questioning kei and mitani’s intentions toward yohei more and was more frustrated reading someone as spineless as him get passed around bw the two of them like a blunt) but i feel like oshimi is less interested in representing queer identity responsibly and more in exposing how sex and gender can turn into something raw and grotesque,, i mean my favorite scene in the manga is literally when yohei was trying to self-castrate to “crush the man” inside him. like. fuhhhh...... that is such a horrifyingly profound way to portray the inherent opresiveness of masculinity. i really loved the idea as a gender is a social construct believer that sex is something invasive lodged inside the body that needs to be mutilated out of yourself to feel free. that shit moved me. first manga in a while to make me clutch my head and stare at the floor

I REALLY LOVE MY STUPID ADULT YAOI (⁠〒⁠﹏⁠〒⁠) they're so in love i'm Sick i can't even begin to describe how much i love this show oh ... i feel like tearing UUUPPPP it's just so endearingly realistic despite the unabashedly over the top comedy... leik the drama most of the time actually feels like a compensation for that i procrastinated watching this ep thinking about how they were gonna tackle kanit going abroad... how was toto gonna react... when was kanit gonna tell him... i thought this was gonna be the last straw but this series just proves me wrong every single time i cannot tell u how much i had to steel myself and prepare to get stressed but it just doesn't let u be lol kanit and toto's relationship really shows what mature love looks like and when two people really love each other even when the odds r stacked it doesn't matter!!!! if the playing field is tilted then reach for the other side and let it topple!!!! who fucking cares!!! i love love love love love this show i love toto so much i love kanit and i love their relationship it astounds me how realistically and charmingly this show portrays a healthy mature relationship through the way they treat each other they share their plans and worries and problems and they respect the decisions the other has to make even in the smallest things. when toto argued with his mom, kanit didn't force him to reconcile with her or hit him with the whole "but she's still your mom" lecture or anything along those lines and that's really important to me because it shows that kanit values toto's feelings first and foremost instead of prioritizing some abstract idea of family. when they were picking out furniture for toto's office and choosing the location they actually talked it through. they listened to each other's opinions and compromised where it made sense. when toto found out about kanit's offer in dubai he just had to ask and know why kanit didn't tell him. and toto didn't even get mad. all he had to say was he's proud of kanit? KILL ME NOW!!! what the fuck goodbye!!! i know kanit had every reason to hesitate but i love that toto's response wasn't to make him feel guilty he just reassured him that he'd love him all the same they're so precious to me. "i'm glad we're growing on our own paths." THEYRE SO PRECIOUS TO MEEE "let's succeed together." THEYRE SO PRCIOUS 2MEEE (that line so williamest tho) another thing i really love about this series :(( my god i love so many things abt this show huh :(( is that it actually lets u sit through the emotions it gives u.... i've been yapping sm abt pacing and tone cos i think that's where most shows and even books fumble u can have the greatest plot ever but if the pacing's off or u switch moods too abruptly unless it's intentional ure just making ur audience confused LET THE SCENES MARINATE LET THE EMOTIONS LINGER LET THE CONSEQUENCES HAUNT THEM IN THE FUTURE!!!!! i never even caught myself making faces at the tv this ep i was literally just sitting there with my chin in my palms and smiling like an idiot because i was so happy and satisfied and i think that says a lot. p'jojo really understands how to make a problem and resolve it in a way that changes the characters instead of just moving the plot from point A to point B. i also love that this ep threw so many problems at the characters but not a single one felt loose or idk just tacked on ??? like every scene meaningfully feeds into either the plot or the emotional progression of the story and NOTHING feels like filler AND THAT MEANS SO MUCH TO ME!!!! THANK U P'JO I REALLY REALLY APPRECIATE A GOOD PLOT STRUCTURE!!!!!! on the other hand hindi lang pala talaga ako yung nakakapansin the scenes where kanit and toto get all clingy i keep seeing a side of taynew LMFAOOOO. i was watching the behinds and scrolling through twt and I CANNOT BELIEVE they had to delete some really clingy and sweet scenes because they looked too much like taynew I CACKLED newwiee literally had to scold tay for getting too handsy and tell him he's being tay not toto T______T my GOOOOOOOOOOD they're just so natural at being intimate and clingy and domestic.... half the time it doesn't even feel like they're acting..... pls i love them so much sana magpakasal na cla :D

(about to combust) girl whatever......... haha girl... whatever........ aaUGHHHH this show is psychic damage to me. william glazing is my favorite sport i can't even joke WHAT THE HELL bro is genuinely pissing me off!!!!!!! to glaze a man, of all living beings, is to resign urself to disappointment but HEOL...... william annoyed. william speaking english. Keep it Coming!!! my wish is that one day gmmtv commits to a full-on serious mafia show and puts william in it idc if he doesn't like action choreography throw william in an action series and piss him off all the time! FOR ME! and cut his hair shorter and slick it back with gel! FOR ME! let him beat somebody up! FORRR MEEEE GRAHHHH i do wish they'd wrap up the damn mira-mhok drama soon tho cos i'm afraid it's gonna make eb fans pissed at mhok and by extension est lmfao the number of tweets i've seen calling est misogynistic lowkey worries me bruh i still need these fandoms to get along i NEED my EBWE series!!!!! also why are williamest kiss scenes so gewd what kinda drug r they putting in each other's mouths GOOD GOD... i've grown so desensitized to kissing scenes they barely make me feel anything anymore but i guess when two people genuinely love kissing each other it carries over to the audience as well huh i'm ⌗buzzed af what kinda ticks me off in this ep as a chronic complainer is Ok i can let the action scenes slide this is a romcom the action sequence not making much sense is okay the pacing i can also look past at least it wasn't as jarring this time BUT WHY ARE THEY PUTTING WILLIAM IN OVERSIZED OUTFITS ALL THE TIME IT'S ACTUALLY KILLING ME pasalamat clah pogi c william and he can pull it off literally anyone else would've looked like their drowning in those clothes oh my god flashback william really is My Rome atp icb william in his solo song exudes more Rome aesthetic than rome himself i'm cackling who's styling him here i actually miss his outfits in MAT :((((( i miss the princely sweep of his hair... that was the most Rome he'd ever looked to me......

OUH BONNIE SINGING ⌗GIVEMEMOREE just sign my girl to riser!!!! alsoo excuse my hypercritical ass but i hv sm 2 say abt this ep just bruh pacing aside that romemhok scene so terribly ooc it makes me cry novel rome would NOT fucking say That,, and dare i say mat rome too that man would sooner burn the world to keep mhok he'd velcro himself to mhok if it were physically possible i do nawt believe dis...... just my two cents but i think they took the wrong turn w the romemhok angst cos ifl it just doesnt work for them esp not Thjs way if someone watches mat and pam back to back the shift is gonna feel so jarring. if they rlly wanted to pursue that angle it'd land better from mhok's side i actually love the concept that they're forbidden to love whyd they have to scrap that but with rome... hm it just makes me scrunch my nose a little. i could write a whole rome character study rn i truly can and i fucking will i need to venttt this version of rome measuring mhoks safety against their relationship just doesnt feel true to me not that i dont buy rome doing the sacrificing but him leaving mhok just isnt the form of sacrifice hed take yk if anything hed bulldoze through it before accepting them as they are hes pathologically obstinate like almost to a fault and that's not a trait u can just easily take ?? if the story wants him to walk away just like that i need to watch him exhaust every other option first!!!! i do like that they're showing hes grown enough to choose mhoks safety over his own happiness yea sure sure but there were more interesting ways to get there if i were beta reading this script id prob be so pissed with that scene cos wtf its so abrupt man honestly id rather have seen rome spend the arc dealing with the threat on his own lie thru his teeth get himself almost killed while mhok watches him change and drift away then the fallout wouldve felt earned but ig they just didnt have the runtime for that lol theepeach needed a dinner party the stakes just also end up feeling weirdly small considering this is the next mafia head were talking about i kinda wish they hadnt paralleled romemhok so closely with theepeach. mat gave them sm room to keep rome enigmatic and i wouldve loved to see them lean into what makes him fundamentally different from thee instead of giving him a conflict that feels literally similar to thee and maybe they could also show how mhok's situation is different from peach that man is a trained body guard ??? why r we scared for his safety now doesn't that make u scratch ur head but ykw maybe das just me if theyd had more time to flesh out their story it prob wouldve made more sense but as it is it just felt out of place idkkkkkkkkk shrug shrug shrug im not planting my flag on this just yet weve still got two episodes left so i'll save the full thinkpiece until the show's over KSKSKSJ tangina m dami m nang sinasabe but maybe they'll prove me wrong i'd LOVE to be wrong

nonono no NOOO WTFFFFF when i said give me their miscommunication arc I DIDN'T MEAN FOR THEM TO BREAK UP TEW oh my god i'm equal parts devastated and jolly bcs hale i was imagining it was gonna be the typical bl subplot kanit mistakes por for flirting with toto assumes toto was cheating and then they break up in an explosive outburst LITERALLY I WAS READY FOR OHM TO GET VILIFIED LMFAO i legit teared up because boy was i wrong..... the direction they took here is so good and its even better bcs of how deep the issue irrevocably runs. toto is carrying the weight of kanit's father's stupid stupid demands and expectations and the only way he knows how to earn his place beside kanit is to prove himself worthy and what worth is love if he has nothing in his name ? what worth is love if he can barely provide!!! kathryn is right hindi tayo mapapakain ng passion na yan pero gagi i didn't expect kanit to break up with him and it pains me to watch him wallow in the belief that he's exhausting. that to be with him is to toil away. and isn't that crazy..... when toto is doing everything in his power to be with him... ARRGHH ugh i love this so much i fucking fucking love this show i cannot find fault in either of them i cannot find fault in anything maybe... idk. perhaps the problem here was that both of them didn't realize they only understand how to be together but they don't know how to stay together. nung nasa 3/4 na ak i was thinking... if they just talked it out maybe toto wouldn't spiral to such extent... i was like.. sooner or later that expectation was always gonna pressure toto and it would've weighed on him regardless... and then i remebar this was TOTO i was thinking about JAKSJJA bro didn't even marinate the breakup for one more ep before trying to win kanit back TAWANG TAWA AKO i love how this show doesn't waste time i love toto so much i've said this before and i'll say it again THAT'S A SEME ALR THAT'S A MAN WITH DICK AND BALLS but anw that aside... taynew r so good at acting i can't help it i need to glaze them every chance i get. newwie's eyes watering while kanit was breaking up with toto man he really knows how to sink into his characters that fuckass breakup and makeup dialogue was so good too and this has got to be the boldest and sexiest ep i've ever watched from gmmtv and i've watched A LOOOOT also whenever i see tay and ohm share a frame i start cackling bcs their characters tgt r so far from what you'd see from both of them irl esp ohm holy shibal lmfao if these two r in the same room best believe thyre bullying eo within a minute. i cant wait to see taynew's reaction to That scene so bad i take so much enjoyment in watching tay curl up into himself in embarrassment truly my favorite reactionist hes such a joy

⌗cla n UGHHHH they're so happy together naiiyak ak LONG LIVE STUPID ASS ROMCOMS i wasn't even gonna watch ep 6 yet cos i have a stye AND period cramps i wanted to watch this comfortably and fully locked in but i couldn't waittttt i kept thinking about the rain scene ifl that's when kanit decided to throw all his inhibitions out the door and i couldn't stop giggling over that tweet saying umbrella so big there's still room for polcasan it was so fucking funny T___T UGHHHHHH GUYS I LOVE THEM SO MUCH I LOVE TOTO I LOVE KANIT !!!! i'm so touched by the way kanit just refuses to let toto get discouraged like okay if kanit had cursed him out or crawled under the nearest table from secondhand embarrassment i would've understood cos toto was being SOOOOO stupid but bro got called a rebound and a one night stand and all that and still kept pursuing him!! THAT MAN IS ON A MISSION!!! I'D BE SWAYED TEW!! "you take care of so many people in the sky. let me take care of you on the ground" YAWAAAAAA toto's indulgent smile and him saying keng mak BITCH THAT'S JUST TAY TAWAN LMFAOOOO that's how he gets with newwiee i love how every now and then tay just slips out of toto ever so slightly (sana magpakasal na taynew) and i SAW THAT SMILE KANIT........ u got praise kink!! also i rlly like how they handled the class difference here kanit's friends annoyed the fuck out of me bcs they're exactly like That Type of rich person who's so painfully insulated they've never had to experience things beyond their own bubble so everything they say has this weird air of superiority and backhandedness to it DO U HEAR YOURSELF???? and FUCKASS LION NAGPROPOSE KA PA TALAGA????? PUTANGINA MO KA didn't even wait for a yes he just slipped the ring YOU ARE SOOOOO GAGOOOA i got so heartbroken for toto jinjja but GOD the bgm during those scenes is so shoegaze FUHHHHHH i need them to release a soundtrack playlist or i'm literally gonna start shazaming every episode im not joking i did this with futs. also. love all the dark blue kiss and polcasan references!! AND tui's in this ep a lot too!! THANK GOD bc i was lowkey worried he'd just pop up for like two to three scenes and disappear T___T