“What does it actually mean to be human?”
Sedikit warning buat yang berniat baca buku ini. Please do not read this book if you’re in a low mental state. I thought I was doing fine mentally, but this book still wrecked me. It literally sent me into a reading slump for almost a week. Bahkan pas ngetik ini pun gua masih ngerasa lemes.
Reading No Longer Human felt like being dragged into Yozo’s mind and forced to see humanity through his eyes. Something confusing, terrifying, and almost impossible to understand. Lewat Yozo, being human doesn’t feel natural at all. Rasanya kayak pakai topeng. Semua orang seolah udah punya peran masing-masing dan tau apa yang harus mereka lakuin, except him.
What hit me the most was how self-destructive Yozo is, yet he still keeps trying to function in society. Menurut gua, that’s what makes him feel so human. Sangat manusiawi in the ugliest way possible. Pada akhirnya, most of us are just trying to function too, no? Trying to survive within society even when internally things feel messy, contradictory, vulnerable, pathetic, and painfully honest.
Yozo never really fit in, and the saddest part is he knew it. Dia terlalu stuck di dalam pikirannya sendiri sampai kebaikan orang lain pun rasanya asing buat dia. He couldn’t accept kindness for what it was. Everything gets twisted into fear, guilt, and pain.
And God, the misogyny was staggering. Ada banyak momen where I wanted to smack his head so hard. Gak kehitung berapa kali gua ngomong, “ajg kau, Yozo.” Tapi seiring cerita berjalan, pelan-pelan kebuka juga alasan kenapa cara pandangnya terhadap perempuan bisa seburuk itu.
#intinyadeh buku ini gak mencoba untuk memperindah kehancuran atau meromantisasi penderitaan. Justru buku ini membedah sisi manusia yang paling rapuh dan paling sulit untuk diakui. The scariest part? Perhaps being human was never about having everything figured out. Maybe it’s about living with contradictions, carrying wounds we don’t fully understand, and still trying to move forward anyway.
Wih selesai yapping.
