went around MOA and had some fun in a karaoke and photo booth ^___^ had some scrumptious food as well. MOA is so massive man, we kept on getting lost lol

anyway, i got my rings yesterday :) i bought Lapiz Lazuli, Aquamarine, and Phantom Quartz. I'm in love with them and they're gonna be my daily jewelry. I don't buy a lot of stuff for myself (aside from food and necessities), so a small splurge is O.K. especially since these aren't items I already have. I used to have an old Lapiz Lazuli ring but I gave it away some time ago for personal reasons, so I'm happy I have a new one.

Something popped up on my TikTok FYP that I didn't want to see. I spent all this time repairing myself, thinking I was better, and it all came crumbling down because of one singular video. Then the self-sabotage came, the investigating, thinking some of the posts were about me... god damn it, I shouldn't have looked. I hate it, I hate everything and I haven't felt this pit in my chest in so long because I've forgotten that I could even feel this way. That happened yesterday, at 6PM. Now it's 6AM and I'm struggling to sleep and I don't think I will for the next few hours. Maybe I need to make a new TikTok account cause the algorithm just fucking knows. But all of my moots :(

i walk into the this cafe’s bathroom and not even 30 seconds in, someone starts knocking like fucking crazy. JESUS CHRIST I HAVENT EVEN UNTUCKED MY SHIRT YET. They aggressively start pushing the door, like… SORRY IT’S CLEARLY LOCKED BECAUSE SOMEONE IS INSIDE. And I ofc do my business in haste cause this person is probably about to shit on the floor. But then they keep pushing the door and shaking the doorknob like wtf is wrong with you? Do you want to share the toilet seat with me, do you want to SEE MY EVERYTHING, you fucking bozo!!! If this bathroom had double toilets, we could hold hands and sing KUMBAYA!! BUT NO. LEMME FINISH PISSING MYSELF

so i decided to just binge-watch From and play bartender myself yes i put my ice in my rice cooker MEEOWOWWWW

planned out a really nice day for me today since I woke up really early feeling motivated but as I was outside, my stomach started aching really badly 😔type of shit that happens when you're old (24 years old) jk. But no i'm actually bummed out cause I prepared an itinerary and I felt nice in my outfit but my stomach started hurting SO BADDDDD LIKE (TMI) ITS NOT EVEN MY IBS LMAO Maybe bawi ako later and I can go drinking @ my favorite lounge And going back home was a fight between me and the forces of nature cause my stomach was GROWLING IN PUBLIC despite me having just eaten. I don't understand, i don't even wanna take a 🚽 my stomach just fucking hates me, i swear to everything worldly rn

so i'm the evil mini orangutan hoarder that visits IKEA every 6 months to expand my monkey collection, but no monkeys today. That's ok... (I'll keep my eyes peeled). Instead, I FOUND MEERKAT AND MY CHILDHOOD BEARS. Of course, of course, I bought them. The meerkat was also about 89 pesos(?) i kinda forgot, i'm sure it was around the 80-peso mark hehehe. I bought 2. And I have a SERIOUS small plushie collection. Most of what I have are also thrifted. I've thrifted a jellycat too hehehehehehehehe i feel bad for the owner who gave it away cause I paid 0.2 the jellycat's original price lol but finders keepers vro it's mine NEOW I love small plushies, especially ones that are palm-sized 😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻

i've been a little spaced out lately. i decided to bleach my roots again to feel more like myself lmao. I dye and bleach my hair at home so i mustered up the courage despite having 3 inches of black regrowth... then i could re-dye it a nice blonde. However, the two sessions of bleach was so tedious 😭im too lazy to do the final steps of either toning or dyeing lmao. Some spots are still a level 9 but this is a good base for a good tone/dye. I just need to want to do the rest of the process. If I go for a toner, I'd have to do some research because I've never toned my hair at home. I used to just 2-3 sessions of bleach > dye. But I'm thinking that a toner would be a nice thing to try since I've been seeing people use Wella toners on TikTok, and that product is also being sold in my country and it's pretty affordable!!!

on my regular thought daughter routine 💭

trying to explain a reality to someone who's perfectly comfortable operating in a completely separate one 🤐

I wanna go drinking but it's a Sunday and it's Mother's Day here... so it's like the worst time to go out cause everyone and their mommas will be thinking of the same thing as me 😢

when are they getting released in the philippines bruh. i dont wanna give my money to apple music or spotify. audiomack’s library doesn’t have my favorite music…. i dont wanna switch to an MP3 cause i need my library and playlists on easy access when im switching devices….

i consume queer media but i stay away from manga/manhwas cause i dislike fan service and things that are too cheesy, i also just dont watch romcoms cause a lot of them just arent realistic…

started this book on April 24th :) really enjoying it so far. Stratt is quite different in the book compared to the movie, she's way more brusque in the book than personable. While I haven't finished the book yet, I just think that the philosophical exercise that Stratt makes the audience ponder on is quite softer of a blow in the movie. She's almost cold in the books, but she has to be. She has her own mission and she WILL NOT fail in completing it. The movie gives her moments that allow you to ground her as part of the team that makes the crew, not just as an appointed leader among all world leaders; this is not how the book made her feel (at least to me). She doesn't make compromise nor does she reconcile with "what could be," because she knows and creates answers. It's almost socratic, tbh.

little kitty waiting for me with a random youtube video playing cause i left my computer turned on

Not only is my brain fried, my computer decided to actually FRY itself. I fucking hate Windows, man. But I also don't want to install linux. I don't have a supercomputer and I can't even UNINSTALL windows or reset it (I tried for 6 hours earlier). What else has been biting me in the ass lately? Questions, questions, and questions from everyone. About me. God, I don't want to think about anything related to love or work or anything philosophical (only exception are close friends/family that I don't need to explain lore to, because they already know the actual lore lol + I always leave extra energy for friends & family, esp if they need help.) I just don't like it when new acquaintances prod without forewarning (I didn't prepare any spoons for that, man). I'm already regulating through every nagging thought every second of every day plz don't go off script. One last thing biting me in the ass is nicotine withdrawals. I quit nic probably 200 times a week but I think I'm sticking to quitting now. I'm hungry and moody and the weather is especially hot nowadays—trying to keep my AC usage at the minimum with the ongoing war/energy crisis couldn't be any more timely. Oh, literature gods, where is the promised fantastical destiny I was promised lmao. Reap me from these earthly plains plz 🙏🏼

my computer isn't as organized as these lol. i also need to declutter the work apps from my iphone. Also, Apple Music update: The algorithm has been alright but I miss Spotify. Qobuz, pls hurry up and release in the Philippines 🙏🏼

Will do an update abt my IPhone's layout too hee hee hee I know the icons are so hard to read but I actually like it that way lol

this has been my dinner the past week heheheh i love kimchi and rice bowls. This is just rice, kimchi, non-spicy gochujang and a fried egg >:) The pic was from last night but i'm making it again later mwahahahahaah

outside my window 🪟 This view is literally 70% of my rent lmao

drinking @ a lounge while drawing pixel art like i'm not turning 24 next month LMAAAAOOO this lounge is my favorite spot to drink in within Metro Manila. I like that it's not very well-known, too. I was at this place's soft opening 2 years ago. I really like that they haven't changed the ambiance. It's much better than FatCat, imo.

Filler post for my newer projects on my pixel art Instagram account. By "newer projects," I mean projects that'll come in another 20 business years because I'm too scared of posting pictures online and setting myself up in front of an audience except there is NO audience cause all of my followers are inactive LMAAAOOOO okay maybe I should start posting after all

30 days left at work. Figured that I didn't want to prolong this anymore. I don't want to turn into the people at work and be forever tied to my job. Working the night shift is so isolating, man lmao

Took a sick leave from work cause I can and I do not care. I wanna quit so bad

the local cafe I go to has the English translation of this, and I'm thinking of going there regularly to read more 🤔

I recently made the move from Spotify to AM and it's been a huge freaking learning curve. The library works a little differently and I have to re-train my algorithm. All of the music that's been getting recommended to me has been ass :( But I expected that cause I've been a Spotify user since 2017 so Spotify's algorithm knows what new music to recommend me that i'd actually like Also, Artist pages on AM do not have the panel for "Similar Artists" that Spotify has WHICH I USE VERY OFTEN TO NOT RELY ON THE ALGORITHM AND AAAGHHH... lastly, the windows app SUCKS ASS

paperblanks, your whole creative team deserves ur asses ate. i make the decisions. these designs are so beautiful

wish i could upload videos here lol. the fireworks were kinda crazy earlier. Feel bad for all of the animals that had to hear this metropolitan city-wide firework show but i won't lie, seeing the city like this still puts me in awe 👁️ I was given food and wine on the rooftop LOL. i had to decline most of it cause I had nowhere to put my camera to eat the food

holding in a fart on the train (praying so hard to every god and deity out there that i don't accidentally let a LOUD one rip whenever the train shakes)

if i quit my job, will i miss its mundanity 🤔 last slide is my food streak @ work heheh. one of its saving graces is that i get two free meals a day and it's saved me a lot on money. Food is expensive and Id even go as far to say it costs more than public transportation (even tho transportation costs have been increasing lately). I claim our free lunch meal + snack meals daily. The lunch meals are SOOO GOOD and filling. Every lunch time I swear I'd almost reach food comatose if i didn't have any coffee with me. (Also by "lunch" I mean 12 AM, at midnight, cuz night shift things). If my next job doesn't give me free food AND they require me to commute, I'd question why I took the job anyway. Most of my coworkers are working on Christmas. Crazy how I'd get 2 weeks off during the holidays when I was a student but I don't even get time off during national holidays now. It's true when they say winter and summer breaks are UNEMPLOYMENT in my industry cuz we don't have those. Anyway, the pay is.. good. Just not worth it. And my pay isn't even AMAZING. It's better than most entry level salaries but you're sacrificing a lot to stay here. And I could stay longer but I'm afraid of stagnating and I wouldn't wanna live a life of wondering about "what could've been." SO IM GONNA START APPLYING FOR OTHER JOBS (or different career paths) on January or February 🤔

Bruh. Ultimate bruh moment. Ultimate epic bruh moment. I'm legitimately silent quitting my job at least mentally. The physical wear is getting to me that it's demotivating me as a whole. Working from 6PM to 3AM and then commuting 3 hours (in total) back and forth is not for everyone. You know, when you start out with the night shift, everything's all good at fist cause your body is technically still not in sleep debt. And my schedule a year ago wasn't as bad as this. Eventually they started giving my shifting schedules every month. It's a lot to get used to when you work the NIGHT SHIFT. If I worked during the day, waking up earlier or later wouldn't be a problem because I'd still be sleeping at the hours that HUMANS are supposed to sleep in. I'm gonna start job hunting by the end of December. If I land something better, I'm quitting lol. Stuff I need for my next job:

Slow day at work today lol. It was “slow” cause I had may ways of just keeping my workload today manageable. Currently just reading Dune again on my iPad while I wait for the after-work snacks 😎 anyway, heres my ipad homescreen layout

Started reading this today. Let's hope my attention span lasts me the first book (at least), and then the entire series 💔💔💔💔💔 idk how i read entire series' in a week when i was 14. I've grown to be a movie person

why are they planning a disco night if there's no space to dance... so this means it's not appropriate for me to DRINK. And I mean—like, actually drink, not "sit there, look pretty and act stupid lemme drink my expensive whiskey" drinking. I MEAN ACTUALLY DRINKING. There is no fun with drinking if you aren't dancing tipsy, otherwise just stay home or go to a cafe if u just wanna sit around and buy an expensive beverage. Are yall just networking here? THEN WHY MAKE IT MANDATORY LMFAO SUUUUUUUU Lemme just sit down and talk about this BORING ASS party lmao what are we even doing here. I'm BETTING THERELL BE MORE PEOPLE IN THE SMOKING AREA THAN INSIDE LMAO. I might be too GEN Z for this but god these parties are so effing useless. Just go line yourselves up in a meeting room and flagellate each other. And it's somehow mandatory for all of the lower-tier agents, too. lol shut up if it wasn't mandatory then i guarantee you only 30% from the current attendees would show up

working at home + doing extra shit so i can be more organized during my shifts. also my monthly playlists need to be cleaned up. i gtg get ready to go out cause i'm planning to go out and work @ a cafe

Things to do later: - Buy cat food - Buy cat litter - Maybe make some food and play some games to unwind hehehe

so i made it work!!! i got my weekends disputed and i'm finally back to having Saturdays and Sundays as my rest days :DDDDD Only con is that my Saturdays are reserved for dance practices (is this really a con?!?!?!? IM LOWK EXCITED)

thinking of what to do today since it’s my “rest day” from work. I spent the whole day yesterday just catching up on sleep because I’ve been practically bed ridden the entire month due to my work’s shifting schedule. had some reallllyyyyy good food I got delivered earlier as payday just came. thought I’d treat myself :) also, I’m thinking of also watching Heretic tomorrow evening (which is in <15 hours… so, it’s already technically “tomorrow” now).

Fuck this shit. My shift changed to 5PM to 2AM. And this is gonna be what my next 2-3 months are going to look like. The commute home is hellish because I have to take a detour since the trains are closed during nighttime. Not only that, the detour is even more expensive. fuck ahh office

The main reason why I couldn't listen to my lofi playlists was because I wouldn't let myself get sad. Oddly enough, feeling sad is comforting. Maybe it's a wallowing type of thing but this year, it hasn't been that. I've just really ben avoiding the feeling of solemnity. Lo-Fi ambient music gives me that feeling and I used to be able to sit well with it. This year, it's just been hard for me to slow down and think—to place my feelings outside of myself and to just stare at it or embrace it. I have to accept it's okay to feel things without understanding them first; that's one of the newer realizations I've had. It makes sense as a concept and I've definitely thought of that before but this year has been developing more than just cognizance. I have to allow myself to feel my skin before putting on 10 layers of clothing to protect myself before work. I have to allow my heart to be held even if the one holding it is me. I have to stop compartmentalizing everything. I need to finally let go and let be.

oh i'm so excited to listen to this month's playlist

Today's been a little rough, not only am I freakishly sick, it's almost been a year since <redacted> happened. It feels like it only happened yesterday...? Although I'm not hung up on it (maybe I subconsciously am), getting reminded of where I used to be a year ago has always left me feeling sour and a little angry. I wish I hadn't wasted all that time. They say there's never loss with love, but I did lose myself. In worship and hope and belief. I can rebuild and forge something different but I will never have that fearless hope and earnestness I used to have. I can never love and be unafraid that my love wouldn't have a place in this world. It used to and it was taken away from me all because someone lied to themselves for a full year; and by extension, they lied to me. I should've been the first person they should've seen as a casualty. I shouldn't have been there. If only you were as sure of me as I was as certain of you. You were religion and by essence, the person who allowed me to cast light on the darkest parts of the world. Maybe it all came from me but I couldn't have done it by myself. And what if I find another? Will they just be another instrument, another passerby, another person to make each other a symbol of what we can't do on our own? Did I use you just as much as you used me? I demonize myself to make just of what you did—that I did deserve this. But after everything, i've snapped out of the compulsion that Im some sort of evil, broken person that constantly needed fixing and internal policing to be good for you. And I did everything to not let you know about how much I've been redoing and undoing my brain. I WAS good to you and in that pursuit, I DID lose myself. So was I good to you? Was I really a good person to you? It's unfathomable how I had so much will in love. I can't find that in me now and I don't know what to do to bring who I was back.

The only place in Metro Manila that truly gets me out of my head. I visit from time to time, usually on days that aren't too hot. I find that the current season is the best to visit, but there's a storm rolling over the city rn and you can never tell how bad things will get because it's by the sea. Another con this place has is that it doesn't have a lot of seating areas that are grassy. I'd love to sit on the ground but knowing how people are here, they'd probably just leave trash around. It's a shame cause the site is historical. Also there's not a lot of upkeep in certain pockets of the place. 3.5/5, Intramuros is great but the "Intramuros Area" is better. There's so much character and history to observe, even if you're not spending money to pay for the tourist-y gimmicks. And I'd even wager to say that getting lost here and spending NOTHING immerses you better than paying for a tour.

I installed and uninstalled Spotify just to find out what my first song was 😭

genuinely scared of running into people i know IRL on this app 🫪

how i feel when the most mundane things give me a small dopamine boost

who the hell is playing Liminal Space music in the mall lmaooooo

do i need to say anything more 💔💔 oh, rachel i think about you all the time

i'm gonna play Heartopia today and that's all i'm gonna do

Slow day today =^.^= sum pics i took outside of my window

November playlist is ready <3

got to collect so much stickers today >:) I loved all the different art from different artists. There was even booth that sold street photography but I wasn't able to go back to their booth cuz my body was a little overwhelmed by the sheer amount of people at the event lol. Also, everyone was in cosplay and halloween costumes!!! I love being surrounded by creative people. I just feel like I could make conversation with anyone there bc i feel like i could nerd out without worrying if the other person would get it lol. (Idk why i work corporate) I couldn't find anything related to Life is Strange but I did find a Sunset Shimmer photo card and I think my life is ALMOST complete 🌅

Girl what the hell, I thought the "heart" button here were likes. I accidentally added someone's picture to a wishlist 😅 IDK HOW TO DELETE IT HELP

strolled around and explored the city w a friend 🏙️

Tweaked my profile's code and I settled on this!!! I coded the "windows" and clickable buttons to make it feel more computer-ish or windows-like... i've still got a long way to go to make it ACTUALLY look like Windows Basic/Windows 7 from the early 2000s-2010s BUT IM HAPPY WITH WHAT IVE MADE. The windows were especially hard to make cause I broke my code multiple times. The borders kept on bleeding into other sections. For some odd reason, the section for my "buttons" had to go BEFORE the section for my cats... what the fuck that doesn't even make any sense but it works (give me grace, I started learning HTML just for SpaceHey 2 days ago). But I'm most proud of my capybara photo viewer lol. LOLOLOLOL. I started out with reading people's templates and it loosely started to make sense and I decided to watch a video tut to do stuff on my own.

I've had enough of Apple Music. I gave it 6 months, I didn't like the interface and that so many of my songs go temporarily unavailable. Like WDYM it's not available in my region? The artist LIVES IN MY CITY and releases music FROM MY COUNTRY 😑 I already have a YTP membership so why not cancel Apple Music at this point to make the most out of YTM..? Well I checked the app out and remembered why I hated YTM. Library sorting is abysmal. It's worse than Apple Music. I can't sort playlists into folders? Spotify and AM already has that wtf, YouTube. WHY ARE QOL FEATURES MISSING FROM EVERY APP, except YTM IS THE WORST. And this is coming from someone who used to work for fucking YouTube fucking WHAT!!!!

i dont watch k-dramas anymore. Over time, I started to find them corny or unrealistic. Somehow the main characters always NEVER communicate and theres this unecessary push and pull that goes on. Some shows have very weird plots and you start to get the feeling that they only exist to serve as self-inserts for the audience. But hey, despite all of this, there’s this certain charm that the main characters have that makes you giddy about them. Whatever magic they put into production, I need to know what it is cuz THERES SOMETHING ABOUT LOOKING AT THE ACTORS THAT ATTRACTS YOU LMAOOOO

all of my mental issues probably stem from being the only child. my parents couldnt compare me with siblings or cousins, no, they compared me to my best friends and classmates and strangers on the internet 😀i didnt need to torment myself with social comparison when the tormenting was done for me by others. what sucks abr being compared to your peers is that you cant even hate them because you know them more than your parents do, you know their flaws, their own family problems, what their favorite food and hobbies are, and what they love the most. I guess instead of hating competition and developing spite, Imposter Syndrome found me instead

The shuffle function is 10x better on YTM. Ive been getting different songs from my shuffled queue. Unlike spotify, the damn app still curates the songs even when you shuffle your own playlist…. library sorting still looks hideous, ive just been using the “Speed Dial” feature though. This doesnt really exist on Apple Music. Spotify has its own “Recently Played” list but I kinda like the grid layout of Speed Dial on YTM. Sound quality is… different. It’s significantly worse enough for me to notice. I live in Asia so the quality options arent the same as the ones available in the USA 🫠 The fucking LIBRARY? Holy infinite catalogue. Recommendations? Ive been getting amazing recommendations because Ive been using this Google account since 2013. So the agorithm can probably predict when Ill take a shit next. Ethical considerations aside, YTM is better than Apple Music.

i'm moving to the middle of HELL this month i can't do this

cooking pasta and freehanding all the measurements because i'm literally a scientist (it turned out OK but I ONCE AGAIN cooked too much pasta and too little sauce fml)

Maybe I should make a series entitled 'Idiots of FB Marketplace' cause there is no other active server on the internet that I can compare to HELL aside from FB and/or FB MARKETPLACE 😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡 emojis for emphasis

ok dude this thing has been here for so long it smells like dead rat huhuhuhuh my nicotine addiction isn't happy

Some of the pixel art I made recently. Had some ideas I wanted to put out so I tried my best with them even tho there are some mistakes (but who will notice if it's pixel art 🤔hehehehe)

pretty busy day. travelled to another city and back. 9 hours overall on multiple busses... idk how people do this multiple times a week, if not daily 😢

So I'm revisiting my main playlist from 2021-2022. I don't miss those years but I miss having so little to worry about. Adulthood is weird. You get more freedom the less you're tethered to places and people when you're in pursuit of finding home separate from said places and people—and home isn't easy to find when change is the only guarantee this world grants. But there is (a small) liberation in knowing there's a world outside, and that alone is enough for me to want to keep searching.

tmw you have blackout curtains and decide to go outside. sunlight hitting ur irises like

🌙 oh i miss the high of the city but i love the solemnity of this quaint neighborhood

being in a province makes things feel a little slower ☁️ I'm kind of a city person but a breath of fresh air, away from the grime of rotting concrete, isn't something i'm complaining about :)

ik im an introvert lol but it’s funny that i got a bingo on the template for extroverts

..that I'm starting to forget your face. Soon, the sound of your voice will follow suit into that empty corner of my brain. That threshold of no return. A reverberation, an electrical current. And then some inevitable death. What's funny is that sometimes you do show up every now and then when I scroll through social media. I unblocked you some time ago when I thought I could stand you coming across my feed. I let go because I believed that was essential to me accepting, but you look so foreign. I don't know if my memory is lapsing, if you're using 10 different filters again, or if you've actually just grown. I can accept you having gone, just not looking so different from how I remember you. But I'm starting to forget (anyway) and I don't know if I'm at peace with that. Maybe I have changed too. Frankly, I feel worn and slightly aged and I can't tell how long I've looked this way. I mostly can't tell because I've avoided staring at myself for too long. My skin has always felt like rubber. Touch has always felt so artificial. I don't want to linger on what feels. What is the point of sense when everything feels so immaterial. Memories feel like dead pixels and it feels almost impossible to put together when your brain has deconstructed itself to forget. Forget and move on. I've forgotten why I hurt, just not the hurt. So I'm left like a broken monitor with half of its screen deteriorated with static buzzing. Brown coated dust on my shell, the scent you get from piled up appliances your parents keep in the attic; old and aged. Not totally discarded, not exactly alone ever since the tiny, hair-like spiders took shelter in you but it's not exactly un-silent either. It's that distant familiarity, that feeling of knowing you've forgotten. There was something about this that used to matter to me. Oh, I've forgotten a lot of good that I wish I hadn't. Maybe I'd have a larger pool of important data I can hold onto and keep forever. That these pixels don't feel so immaterial when I recall them. That they can feel more than bytes someday. Maybe I can reload the files from my "Old Minecraft Worlds" zip file and simulate us building that house for the first time. The years of terabytes I carry around like deadweight but cannot replicate. I am that deadweight I carry and I will continue to be because I need to want to remember to say I've lived. That I existed more than a ghost on the internet, more than some internet persona, and maybe as something a little more than material.