remember how i posted yesterday (it was actually just a few hrs ago) abt billy joel songs that heals sumn in me? well maybe that manifested a little too well as i suddenly had the courage to open up to my father– about them (my parents) being the biggest factor of my depression, all the things (i could think of during that moment) that i held up from since i was little, the burden, complicated rs with my maternal and paternal fam (grandparents), my reason for dropping out and the guilt that came with it, and anything under the sun… though i’d still stand by what i said (to him); if given the chance, i am willing trade my existence just for an opportunity from the universe to bring my parents back to their youth and give them a chance to explore their own separate and successful paths. heart so light, but caution is still not thrown to the wind. i’m guarded because maybe, this will not last long, like any other time we’ve done this before. but, for now at least, i am at peace.