Some things are hard to write about after something happens to you. You go to write it down and either you over dramatasize it, or underplay it, exaggerate the wrong parts or ignore the important ones. At any note you never write it quite the way you want to. Which is why telling "your side of the story" is never actually a correct depiction of what happened, even in your perspective. This is just a random thought I had today🙃

this is just analysis I've made, I become such a mess (visually) during school holidays. Like I'm literally in a random shirt, barefoot, and have uncombed hair. If school was open, I'd be in an actual outfit, actually done up and looking good. Maybe I just need to go out more? I don't know bro😭😔

You know the feeling you get when you realize your friend group is slowly drifting away from you? Like they're not intentionally leaving you out, but it just happens. 😃🥀

I don't know if this is a stupid thought, but sometimes I just sit and wonder how languages came about? I know being prey played a part in the need for early humans to communicate with each other, but did they just make random sounds and everyone just agreed it meant something? It rattles my brain😭

today's verse of the day was a 'jumble verse'. I don't use the you version bible app, so my app has something called jumble verses, basically a bunch of different verses that have a similar meaning bound up into one. This jumble verse is from Solomons Songs of Songs. "Let me see your face, Let me hear your voice; For your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely. You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you. How beautiful you are my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes are doves." Songs of Songs is probably my favourite book in the Bible just because it has such beautiful poetry and it's kind of a love story (that's a very surface level analysis, ik). But the whole story of the bible is just one big love story between God and his creation anyways. (Jesus loves you🤍)

You know when you have so much to do, and you just do nothing? I need to write an essay, learn for two tests, fetch an order from the store, buy a spare notepad for school, finish 2 chapters I'm behind on for Business Studies, make my term planner, etc. There is so much to do and I just do nothing about it. I literally watched a whole movie today instead of doing what I actually need to do. there's actually a name for this. it's called the "inverted-U Theory". Think of it like a rubber band. If you pull it a little bit, it works great and can hold things together. But if you pull it too hard, it loses its shape or snaps, and it becomes completely useless. In psychology, this is basically the "Inverted-U" idea. Too little pressure: You’re bored and lazy. You don't work because you don't care. The Sweet Spot: You have a deadline, you're focused, and you're getting stuff done. Too much pressure: Your brain short-circuits. You have so much to do that your mind panics and decides the safest thing to do is nothing at all. It can be called Anxiety Paralysis, and it happens to me waaayyyyy too much for my liking😔😭

Happy Easter Week! I just had a realization that the story in Genisis 22 about Abraham and Isaac was actually a prophecy. so in the story, God wanted to test Abraham's faith, so He told him to take his one and only child, Isaac, to a mountain and offer him as a sacrifice. Abraham obeyed. He took Isaac, two servants, and wood for a fire before they travelled three days to reach the mountain. As they walked, Isaac noticed they had wood for fire but no animal. So he asked his father: "Where is the lamb for the sacrifice?" Abraham replied, "God will provide the lamb." Later in the story, after Abraham had nearly offered his son and thus proved his faith, God provided them a ram, not a lamb. But God kept his promise as the "Lamb of God" was provided, just years later: Jesus.

Today at school in LO, my teacher gave us all a blank page each. she made us write our names on it before we passed our papers around the class. Everyone had to write something abut that person on the page, something nice. and it made we wonder, do people actually mean what they write? Don't get me wrong, everyone after getting their pages back, they were Soo happy and so touched, me included, but a part of me just thought that this might not be true. everyone had to write something, and you can't force kindess and genuine feelings. but hey, maybe I'm over analysing it. my classmates were all so sweet with their messages that I kinda wanna frame that paper😭💕

I've been so undisciplined lately. I've been procrastinating, I haven't been doing my hobbies, and I just haven't been showing up for myself. I have dreams and goals to fulfill and I haven't been showing up and working towards them. even when I have free time, like today, I just get into bed, scroll, watch videos, and not do what I should be doing. writing my book, going out for a run, eating good, practing, etc. only she outsiders are involved, eg school, do I actually force myself to get up and work. even worse, I've started putting my value in school, and marks, and how friends and others view me. that's not good. I just need to get up and find myself again. go back to libraries, go back to volunteering, go back to trying to be the best version of me. I hate this version of myself because it's only going to bring regret later on.

I'm currently on a mission of expanding my lexicon, not only in English but also in my native language (IsiZulu) and expanding it into new waters in the form of foreign languages. I'm currently learning Latin, (btw the phase at the top means: "By teaching, we learn.") and I'm also learning Russian and Sesotho. I'm developing (very slowly😔) but practice makes progress. this also just links to my love for humanities. STEM is very important but that's just not where my heart is. I love literature and the arts waaaayyyy too much to got be a, eg: engineer. “We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman, "O me! O life!... of the questions of these recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless... of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life?" Answer. That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?” 🫂🤍

Call me whimsical, but I've noticed how metaphorical our lives actually are. Everything we do and how we live seems to be one big metaphor. Think about it: Muscles grow by being stressed and recovering, so do people. Gardens don't become beautiful because someone plants flowers once, they become pretty because someone keeps removing weeds, so does character. The things you avoid (unanswered messages, unclean room, etc.) tend to grow and impact the positives in your life. I think this is why myths, religions, stories, and science relys on metaphors becaue some truths are hard to explain directly. That's why writer use symbolism. That's why Jesus explained things using parables. That's why we say "I'm stuck" or "I'm finding my footing". It's because whether we realize it or not, we are naturally wired towards poetry and beauty as humans. We say it and live it subconsciously simply because we are the human race. 💗💕

Today wasn't my best day, and sure, life is Iike that. Some days you'll have the best of times, and some you'll feels bit down. But that should be because of life circumstances. Eg: You failed your exam or your car broke down. There should be no reason why someone had a horrible day because you couldn't control your mouth. Sure, we're all human and sometimes we say things in anger or things we don't think are hurtful but are to another person, but is the plan of action after such an encounter not to apologise? How hard is it to recognize that you said something hurtful and say sorry? Sure, the word might not fix the pain, but knowing that you regret what you said does help put a plaster over the sore. Life can be so much better if everyone just minded their mouths. Why gossip? Even if why you are saying is true, the act itself is not nice. The world is already in shambles, there's not need to add fuel tithe fire. 🤍

the absolute horror of becoming self-aware is that you lose the right to be a victim in your own life. you are sitting there, sobbing on the floor, but you’re also standing across the room watching yourself do it, completely aware of every choice that led you there. you can’t even have a good, clean tragedy anymore because you are always the accomplice. That's why I believe you should study what makes yourself. Even though self awareness comes with downsides (as mentioned above) you should always study yourself. Study what makes you open and what makes you defensive. The topic you avoid, the joke that irritates you, the question that feels insulting, the feedback you instantly reject; analyse it. Defensiveness is usually the guard dog sitting in front of a weakness you have not trained yourself to face.